I am being pruned and it hurts! I asked the Lord to prune back the deadwood of my life -- I want to fully submit to His will and to live my day's redeemed so I can bear good fruit. My heart wants His best -- I just didn't expect it to hurt so much!
I thought He would just prune off the dead branches in my life - you know the areas that were already dead. But He is snipping away at sucker vines and other 'green' areas to help shape and strenghten me. It is these areas that are tender and are the ones that I feel the most.
One particular area that I have been praying specifically about is my job. I work part-time from home and have felt for some time now (the past year or so) that I needed to stop working and focus on my home and family. The problem is that we have come to depend on the income I make and while it is not a lot, it carries us through each and every month. My stress level has been very high and as a result my health has deteriorated and the past year has been filled with all sorts of health-related issues.
I want to quit but have been afraid to let go - fearing that we will really suffer financially if I give up my work. I also have responsibilities - I have about 50 clients and they depend on me and my services. I have been fearful about letting them know my intentions and letting them go.
This past week, the Lord has asked me to "let go of the wall" so to speak. He has asked me to trust him and see where He wants to take me. I have said "Yes, Lord, I am ready". I want to try His way and see what plans He has for me. But it is so scary to let go.
I know He is pruning my life - today, I lost another client (attrition - they have chosen another path). This makes two in one week. In some ways, my feelings are hurt because I have done so much for them and have really provided a good service to their business. On the other hand, it is exciting to see the Lord in action and to know that He does have a plan for my life.
I am praising Him today and thanking Him for all He has done in the past and all He is doing for me today.