I had another sleepless night. I am not sure how many more of these nights I can take. So far I am up to about three weeks worth. It is not as if I am tossing and turning all night long, but rather that I am being awakened throughout the night, and then find it difficult to get back into my normal sleep pattern.
I woke up in the middle of the night thinking about all the plans I have made for our life. My mind never seems to stop these days, it is like a constant stream of "thought" running on and on and on. I try and turn it off, but it just won't shut down. This makes falling asleep really difficult, and makes falling back to sleep even harder. I have tried taking over the counter sleep aids (such as Advil PM). These work, but I don't like to be dependent on them. Plus they tend to make me feel really yucky the next day. To make matters worse, I have gone off all coffee. I decided a couple weeks ago (about four now), that I needed to get off the coffee. It was making my stomach sick (indigestion) and also giving not-so-pleasant breath. The first week was really hard to let go because I had come to enjoy the warm drink every morning (also at night -- which for me actually induced sleepiness). I noticed great results after that first week. My headaches were gone, no more stomach upset, better breath. Overall, going off the coffee has produced a sense of well-being, more energy, less dullness of mind. Perhaps my mind is kicking into gear now that it has less caffeine to deal with?? Perhaps it is that the mental fog has cleared and my mind is freed up to dream, to think, to plan once again. I don't know, but unless something changes here, I am going to become a zombie!
The title of this post is "Life's Little Blessings" so you would think that I would blog about a happier subject and not spend the first two paragraphs lamenting my sleepless condition and struggles with caffeine addication! LOL!! Truth be told, there is some blessing in all this lamenting.
Today is August 19, a not so very out of the ordinary day. Nothing earth shattering happening on our home front, nothing making major headline news (at least, I haven't read the news today). It is just another hot and sunny day here in Phoenix, Arizona. The forecast is much the same for the rest of the week. Hot. My son is up (it is 9:30) and working on some music project (school starts next week for us); DH is out at a business meeting (potential new work); and I am here sitting in my PJs (still) having some diet pepsi (ok -- so I have to have some caffeine -- just today!)
Generally speaking, all is right within my world. I may not feel 100% ready to be put in the game (put me in TOMORROW coach!) right now, but overall, I am pretty sure I will be ready later today or even tomorrow. God is so Good. Even though I feel low, a bit lonely, and definitely out of sorts (just physically drained), I know that God is Good. His will for my life is set and has been confirmed ("And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God." ~Romans 12:2). I know what my purpose is and that my life has meaning. I have a daily list of worthwhile work to do, a family to care for, and a ministry to serve in. God has provided and met all my needs with sufficiency and I am well-loved, well-provided for, and well-cared for. I am filled to sufficiency -- I have the Grace of God working through me to help me, to guide me, to comfort me, and to lead me on to my eternal destination. I may not feel well today, but I see the outcome of my future. I can see the end. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and know that if I just stay on this track it will lead me home. God is so Good to me.