A couple of other small things...not huge by any shape or form, but significant enough to me, so I will share them. One, I switched my browser to Safari. I have been having Internet issues for over a year now. Slowness, disconnects, etc. I am on high-speed service, and yet am consistently disconnected from the Internet up to a dozen or more times a day. I have tried using Firefox, Internet Explorer, even Google Chrome. They all did the exact same thing. Moreover, they were so slow, dinosaur slow to go from page to page. I am pretty saavy, being in IT related business for two dozen years, and had tried everything (equipment upgrades, computer registry cleaning, etc.) My son suggested Safari (which I always used when on the IMAC), and said that he wasn't having any of the same issues as I was (and he is down the desk from me). I switched, and my Internet sessions are consistent and so fast. Whatever the difference in browsing setup I know not, but hands-down Safari is the best.
Secondly, I have been thinking more about the plans I think the Lord has for me. I have been waffling back and forth for some time now, going between two different options. I think the reason I am waffling is because I really have never been in this position before, I mean, in the position of having to choose ONE WAY.
I am not indecisive by any measure, it is just that I tend to over analyze everything BEFORE I make any decision. The Lord has really put this on my heart, as something I need to consider revising. It is a habit, a coping mechanism really, that stems from my early childhood days. I won't go into details because it really isn't necessary to divulge the impetus for why I tend to over analyze things; but, the issue is this: I do it all the time, and it interferes with my ability to made a proper and quick decision.
The inability to choose has been an issue for me for over 20 years. It is not that I cannot choose at all, it is just that when it comes to rather BIG items, I tend to focus and focus and focus until I get myself so worn out that I cannot make a choice. Then I cry out to the Lord and ask Him to make the choice for me, sort of by default. The Lord has asked me twice now to choose a path. I have always deferred to Him, which is really the right thing to do. The issue wasn't my unwillingness to do His will, but rather my need to be "right" all the time.
You see, for me, I have made being "right" the end all and be all of my being. It isn't that I need to be right in the sense of right/wrong, but more so that I need to make a "correct" choice each time. By making a correct choice, I forgo the possibility of causing hurt, pain or suffering. In short, I created this need to be right to help me cope with pain and suffering. If I always make a right decision, then the likelihood that I will not suffer wrong is far greater than if I made a bad choice. It is faulty logic, of course. Consider that I was probably 10 or 12 when the idea came to me that always being right would save me somehow.
The Lord has helped me see that my need to be right stems from pride just the same as the person who must be right to prove to others that they are wrong. I have had to lay this at His feet and acknowledge that in my attempt to be right, I have actually kept myself from moving forward due to a lack of decision making on my part. For all my complaining and whining and such, I have basically stopped myself from moving forward simply out of fear of making a bad choice. The Lord has told me that the choices I am to make are all GOOD. They are just different.
So here I am, thinking about my choices and getting ready to make one. I feel liberated in one sense, liberated at the thought that I don't have to be right anymore. You see, I can never really be right because of my sin nature. But, He is always RIGHT and everything He does is RIGHT. Therefore, I can let go and let Him be RIGHT in and through my life. I must simply let Him be.
Psalm 46:10 ~ Be still and know that I am God.