April 21, 2010

I Did It Again

Agh! I wandered off that durn path again!! Why does this always happen to me? Even after a couple really terrific days, I found myself back to my old thinking habits. I should know better by now, I simply should have enough experience (the school of hard knocks) to tell the difference between feeling great and feeling crappy. Today was in short a CRAPPY day. It was CRAPPY from the get go, and it only went down hill shortly thereafter. Why? I mean, I am so fixed on making sure I don't stray off this path, and yet, "plop-plop-fizz-fizz," and there I go -- right off the path and into that plot of weeds -- AGAIN!

I guess it is just part and parcel of being human, but in truth, I don't like it. I don't like it one bit, and I want to stop doing it. I want to stay fixed and focused and moving in the direction the Lord has in mind for me. I don't want to flounder and struggle and end up all twisted around (which seems to be a weekly thing for me).

Dear Lord,

I am so tired of this behavior. I am so tired of starting off following you, only to find myself lost in my own way. Please help me to stick to you like glue, to keep my eyes firmly fixed on you. I cannot do anything without you, and I am tired of being responsible and in control. I want you to be in control of my life, I want to follow you and to do what you want me to do. Please help me to surrender my will to yours so that I can rest and be at ease once again. Amen, so be it, Amen.

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