April 20, 2010

Looking Around You

Another fine day! I think this makes day four or five (not in a row) of feeling good. I am so blessed!!

I woke up today with a very stiff back (my bed is awful), but generally no headache (hurrah!) and no sinus pressure (it seems like every day has been a 'sinus day!') I am still dealing with some women's stuff, but other than that, I feel pretty good.

I even slept in, which is super amazing. I normally am up around 6:30 each day, mostly due to the cats crying for their food. But, today, made it to 8:30 -- oh, how sweet it is. I think this is due to a switch in cat food. I know, can you believe it, that something so simple could have such a profound affect on my boys.

Gus, my semi-siamese, half-neutered male, has had tummy troubles from the get-go. He was abandoned by his mother at 3-4 weeks, and I found him (was given him) and raised him. I noticed then that the had cleft palate issues, difficulty sucking and swallowing, and generally seemed to be a poor nurser. I had to improvise just to feed him, and it worked. He gained weight, grew up, and here we are. However, along the way, he has had numerous issues that have remained (some asthma, some digestion). I think it is all part-and-parcel to his being a runt, and probably (as mother does know best) not a thriving kitten.

We have struggled with his behavior as well as his physical ailments. It has all rolled into one thing, and now it is just "normal." Last week, though, I started to count the times he threw up his food. It seemed to be like every meal. I started to pay attention to the food, undigested at most. I also started to notice that when he does eat, he doesn't chew his food. He just swallows it whole.

I did some research on the internet, and found that a better quality food can often help calm a sensitive stomach. I switched my boys over to a good IAMs brand food. They were not too crazy to leave Walmart and 9-Lives behind; but, I thought it was worth the try to see if it would help Gus. Funny thing--it did, and it helped Winston and Zachary too.

I am feeding them according to the package directions (so 1/2 cup each per day), and the food is not being devoured. There is some left in their bowls the next am. What I am noticing is this: less throw up, better poops (less stink, better formed -- like my vet always says). It shows me that they are digesting the food more completely, less waste (which is what stinks). Zachary's stomach has stopped making noises completely (he had terrible bowel sounds at night), and Winston seems very content to just laze the day by. Gus has thrown up once since last week, and that was after I gave them a mix of the old food and the new food (thinking they were not eating the new food -- I caved and gave them some can food). As soon as he ate it, up it came, completely undigested.

I am taking some pats on the back for this move. It has helped a lot, and a side benefit is that the boys don't seem to pounce on me or stand over me glaring at me to get up and give them food. Good deal!

As I look around my life, aside from the cat food issue, I am beginning to see signs of the pressure valve being released. I cannot really explain it other than to say that it appears to be as if the pressure cooker I have been in for almost three years now, has let off all it's steam. I am feeling great relief, and seeing it all round me. I am seeing the world a little differently now. Instead of worrying about today or tomorrow or the future, I am sitting here thinking only about what needs done today. I wish I could take credit for it, like I got myself so figured out and am "believing it" to be so (as in some mind over matter attempt). I just cannot do it. I have done nothing but surrender to the Mighty Will of God. I thought I was doing this before, surrendering I mean, but I clearly wasn't. I never felt this way, well only once before. I felt this way when I went to the dealer to purchase my new car. It was like I did it, but I wasn't really doing anything at all. I went in with head knowledge (knowing the price I wanted to pay, the car I wanted to drive, etc.), but when the negotiations began, the words came out of my mouth, but I wasn't the one "driving" the contest. It was God, the Holy Spirit, putting strong words into my mouth, and the dealership folks were just stunned. They just stood there and could say nothing back to me except to finally agree to my offer. I walked out of there with a new car (new to me).

It is the exact same way, though I am not negotiating any deals today. I just feel like I am doing the normal thing, but someone else is working through me. I feel like I am going about my business, but the thoughts that come into my head, the control is not my own. I simply feel as though I am totally under His Sovereign Control. And, I must say--it feels SO VERY GOOD.

I don't want this to stop, this feeling, this sense of His Presence. I am so at ease right now. After so much hardship, turmoil, and stress -- this is AWESOME freedom. I want to stay in this place and never move from it. Oh, Lord, may it never be. May I never return to the control of my hand again!

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