April 23, 2010

Thinking about Tomorrow--Again!

I just got off the phone with my Mom--family news, as usual. Mom calls me fairly often (3-4 times each day), just to chat. I don't mind it, but know that pretty soon I won't be able to take all her calls. Once I am working, I will be able to speak with her only once per day (in the evenings, probably). This won't be difficult for me, but it will be difficult for her. Mom counts on me, and always seems really down that I don't have any "news" to share with her.

The truth is that I don't have any news. I am not a newsy person, if you know what I mean? I don't gossip. I don't pass on information about other people, unless it truly is of concern or interest (like sharing a graduation announcement or something like that). I am not really interested in the intimate details of other people's lives either. I just never have had much time to sit and chat.

It is a weird thing because I know a lot of people who like to chat. I am just not about chatting. I would much rather take a nice long walk, by lake or creek bed, and simply walk. I enjoy the silence. I like the quiet. I like to listen to music, to look at art, and to study buildings and other sights around me. I am an observer, really, and that is just my nature.

My Mom is very social, always has been, and I think this is why she likes to chat so much. She doesn't have many friends here, just a few, and with her age and her friend's ages, well--they mostly chat about physical ailments and the like. I guess it is what happens naturally when we age.

I have been thinking about tomorrow (not really Saturday), but rather all my tomorrows. I have been thinking about how my life will change once I move. I already know what my life will be like when I get full-time work, but now I am thinking more about my schedule and routine as far as what will change once I physically change homes.

I like to think about new homes. I am all about design and craftsmanship. I love old homes with wonderful woodwork, and lots of character. I love natural materials such as clapboard siding, slate roofs, copper gutters and downspouts. I am not interested in the "new". I really do not care for the look of new homes. I much prefer homes that were built hundreds of years ago to those that are being built today. I don't like modern furnishings, though I do like some modern art. I prefer sturdy items, things that will last, to those designs that look like they will break if you sit in them incorrectly.

It has been fun to look through the real estate websites and see all the homes that are currently for sale. I have look through many, many, many listings. I have learned to identify what I like and what I don't like, and then decide whether such a place would work for me (given my particular situation).

But, with all this looking and thinking and dreaming--I am now tired of the process. I am ready to get moving, to relocate if need be, and to begin the next stage or season of my life. I am ready to step out and to be the person I know inside I really am. I want to be me. I want to be the person I am, and no longer hide or try to be someone I am not. I simply want to be me.

This new stage in my life is just like an open book, with pages and pages that are blank and ready to be written. I am ready to start writing the story of my life, the next years, and want so much to get down to business. My prayer is that I can do this soon, very soon, so that I can move past this place, the place where I have felt stuck for so long. Only the Lord knows the timing of such a move. Only He knows when it will be. Until then, I have to continue on right where I am and focus on the needs of the moment.

I would much prefer to be moving, but the Lord knows when that will be. I must be content to wait for His Hand, and rest in that knowledge -- He is Sovereign. He knows me best. He knows what must take place, and how He wants everything to work together.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. ~Romans 8:28

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