Still, I cannot tell you the heartache I feel right now. It is a mixture of sadness and relief. I am sad, especially whenever I go into my bedroom (he always slept on my bed, right next to my pillow), and not see him laying there. I will miss his cry, which had gotten so soft towards the end of his life. I knew it was the right thing to do, but still, it was so hard for me. After all, he had been a part of my life, almost as long as my marriage. And, with the current situation and a pending separation or divorce -- well, this was another signal of an ending of a long era. One closing of a life once lived.
I am relieved to know he is no longer in pain, and also selfishly glad to be done with the care of an elderly pet (the pee, the poop and the throw up -- daily). Yes, caring for an aging pet is difficult. But, just like life, it is a responsibility you take seriously when you choose to invest in a relationship -- regardless of it being with another person or a beloved pet.
Until death do we part, well, at least that is how I choose to think about it.