May 9, 2010

Sadness Today

Well, my Mother's day turned sad this afternoon. After a very nice start, and a even nicer afternoon Tea at a local tea room (with my Mom); I came home to find my elderly cat in distress. This weekend, he developed an abscess on his face. It was hard to know whether it was a tooth or a spider bite or some other thing, but in no time at all it had gone infected and was quite serious. I made the decision to put him down. It was one of the hardest things I have had to do, but given it was Sunday and the likelihood that he would not survive until tomorrow, it was the humane thing to do. He was 20, and had lived a very good long life.

Still, I cannot tell you the heartache I feel right now. It is a mixture of sadness and relief. I am sad, especially whenever I go into my bedroom (he always slept on my bed, right next to my pillow), and not see him laying there. I will miss his cry, which had gotten so soft towards the end of his life. I knew it was the right thing to do, but still, it was so hard for me. After all, he had been a part of my life, almost as long as my marriage. And, with the current situation and a pending separation or divorce -- well, this was another signal of an ending of a long era. One closing of a life once lived.

I am relieved to know he is no longer in pain, and also selfishly glad to be done with the care of an elderly pet (the pee, the poop and the throw up -- daily). Yes, caring for an aging pet is difficult. But, just like life, it is a responsibility you take seriously when you choose to invest in a relationship -- regardless of it being with another person or a beloved pet.

Until death do we part, well, at least that is how I choose to think about it.


Pam M. said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know you will miss him. God's timing is not our timing (ever, it seems), but HE is with you and you are in my prayers.

Carol Hepburn said...

Thanks, Pam. I think what is even harder for me today, is the fact that my other two cats are looking for him. They have been crying and walking all over the house as if they are trying to find where he has gone. It breaks my heart all over again.