May 26, 2010

Trusting the Lord

For reference see this post, Trusting the Lord.

I just came back in from my weekly cello lesson. It has been such a wild ride, me and my cello. I love this instrument more than I can easily articulate. I simply love it, and I am getting to be a pretty confident cellist. The Lord has so graciously blessed me with the ability to play the cello, and I am seeing progress every single week. Just today, I played through a Rondo by Henry Purcell -- never having seen it before -- and was able to sight read it and play it fairly well. My teacher was playing along with me on the violin, so I had to play with her and read at the same time. Pretty neat!

I came home and the first thing I did, after getting a snack, was to come out to the computer. I have my head phones on and am listening to Yo Yo Ma play several pieces from his "Appassionato" CD. Right now he is performing "Appalachian Waltz" with Mark O'Connor. Oh, how I love his cello playing. It is so moving, so expressive, and so Yo Yo! This is my goal, to be able to play with feeling and expression and really make the cello sing. I can see myself getting to this point, so long as I don't give up and don't give in. I can do it, but it will take commitment and drive and determination -- in short -- persistence. I know I can do it, because I believe it is the Lord's will for me. This is a gift He gave to me, to play the cello at age 47 (after having no musical ability at all). I am an intermediate-advancing cellist after just five months of cello lessons (and not even given by a cello teacher, but by my son's violin and piano teacher). There is no way, absolutely no way that I could pay the cello this well in five months of lessons. I can only give testimony to His Faithfulness to me, and so I do. Soli Dei Gloria.

Trusting the Lord

So what does playing the cello have to do with trusting the Lord? For me, it simply is an expression of God's Grace at work in my life. You see, back in 2008, I wrote a blog post where I was dealing with trust issues. I was struggling to trust the Lord in my life. I had trusted Him years before for my very salvation, but I wasn't trusting Him to plan and carry out His Will in my life. I was content with what He was doing for me, but not what He wanted to do with me. In future events, I was scared and timid and lacking trust -- even basic trust. No one could have foreseen the trouble I have experienced since that post (well, no one but the Lord). He knew what would come down that road, and He knew that I needed to learn how to trust Him.

I did. I have. I am.

Trusting the Lord isn't something you do, it is something that happens to you. Usually, you learn to trust Him when something awful comes into your life and you look around you and realize you've been "ditched." You know, betrayed, left alone. You find yourself standing there admist the crushed and tangled pieces of your life, begging for someone to come and hold you and help you; but, no one comes to your rescue. No one, that is, except for the Lord. He reaches His Mighty Hand down from Heaven and lifts you out of the mess you are in and begins to work in your heart to help you trust Him. This is when you need to trust Him most, and He knows it. You suffer, you struggle, you go back and forth, but eventually you learn that He is TRUSTWORTHY. In doing so, you experience such great relief, such boldness and confidence. You come to know that whatever He purposes and plans, He can do it. He can do anything because "nothing is impossible for God." You also learn that you can lean on Him, rely on Him, and believe in Him, and in doing so, you are blessed royally with such warmth and tenderness. You know Him, you love Him, and you expect certain things from Him. You know that whatever you ask of Him, He will be faithful to you. He will not leave you alone, nor make you walk any road without Him beside you.

As I look back over my life, this is the one thing I see: I see the Mighty Hand of the Lord upon my life. I see Him as He gently and carefully plucked me out of the muck and mire, and set me on solid ground. I see Him as He took the time to nurture and love me, to show me Himself, and to help me learn how to trust Him. As we spent time together in relationship, I began to feel better, to feel like it was OK, like I was going to be OK. So long as He was with me, well, then I was OK. I learned that if I stayed with Him, then I was indeed OK. I learned that I was blessed, I was comforted, and I was instructed ONLY when I stayed with Him. If I walked away, then I was on my own. I learned to tell the difference between being next to Him and being far from Him. I learned that it was far better for me to stick to Him like glue then to do anything on my own.

As I grew stronger, I also learned that there was so much He wanted to do for me. He wanted to give me the desires of my heart in exchange for my obedience and loyalty. The more I leaned on Him, the more willing He was to grant me my desires. I learned to ask for things that aligned with His will, and in doing so, I started to receive gifts and blessings to my life. Some were internal blessings, helping to heal hurt, to establish my mind, to strengthen my resolve. Some were physical gifts, such as healings of physical problems. Some were plain out right gifts, like learning how to play the cello at age 47. Some were spiritual gifts like being able to know and understand His Word better. The more I drew closer to Him, the more He came to me. The more I sat at His feet, the more secure I felt. The more I looked into Him, the more He touched me and changed me. The more I focused on Him as the object of my worship, the more worshipful I became, the more I experienced worship, the more I glorified Him through my worship.

All of this is to say that trusting the Lord is step one on a life long journey into knowing the ONE TRUE GOD. You cannot believe that He is Lord unless you BELIEVE THAT HE IS. This was the crux of my belief problems, and not so much not believing, but simply attributing to Him all the glory and knowledge that HE IS GOD. Once I did this, once I got my head squared, then everything clicked into place, and I began to experience God in a way like no other.

I will never go back, I never want to go back. I am right where I plan on staying every day now until my eternity comes to pass. I will be at His feet, worshipping Him with every fiber of my being, not allowing anything to surpass His Greatness and His Glory.

To God Alone Be The Glory.

No comments: