July 19, 2010

I'm Beat!

It must be the heat here in Phoenix because I am literally beat! I woke up this morning at 9:30 a.m. I don't even RECALL when it was that I was able to sleep into until 9:30?? Perhaps before my son was born (almost 17 years ago!!) Probably that was when it was -- and every day since then has been a routine of getting up between 5-7 a.m. I cannot understand why NOW, all of a sudden like, I am sleeping in later. I am blaming the heat (and loving the chance to actually do it). It may just be the calm before the storm, KWIM? I am so hoping to begin a full-time job OUTSIDE the home in the next couple weeks and then for sure my schedule will require early am hours again. Until then, I am going to just enjoy sleeping in and lounging in bed. LOL!

It is very hot here, and humid too. We have had no rain in our part of the valley (Northeast Phoenix). They got some to the southeast of us (Mesa), but not up near where we live. We must have gotten some rain because my car is dirty and needs a good washing. It was probably scattered light rain that popped up overhead during the night. We haven't gotten any good "gully washers" though and that is what we assume when they tell us the Monsoon has arrived. Perhaps today or tomorrow? Perhaps soon?

On another front, my job hunt has produced only one possible interview. Not bad after almost nine months of applying and hearing nothing in return (I received two notices that I was not a good fit -- out of 30 applications!) I am still waiting to schedule an interview with Macy's HR department, and even sent an email asking why I cannot do that per the instructions on their email (there is a link, but then no way to actually pick times). I am not sure if this is because I applied for a management position along with hourly. Perhaps they use two different systems to interview and they are still considering me for other jobs? I will be patient, I will be patient.

The other jobs have been closed (some say so on the website), and I know those are not going to happen. Some have been marked on my account (no longer under consideration), which I guess means (not qualified or they have someone else). Then there are some I will never really know about like Walmart and Sams Club (no way to check up or verify). It is really just a waiting game, and while I have gotten much better at waiting, it is so hard to be patient when you know that you are at the point of desparation.

There is nothing I can do, just like before, but trust in the Lord and know that He has this all figured out for me. I cannot cause a company to look me over nor can I jangle their change to say "Hey, don't forget about me." These companies have HR teams and procedures, and in the hard economy, are screening more applicants who are qualified for work. It must be very difficult to be in HR these days, so I am trying to remain compassionate about the work they have to do. God knows what is best, and God has a job in mind for me. He will bring it to pass when it is time, and until then I must be still and remember He is God (and I am not-- oh, and I am not -- repeat 100xs).

I do love the Lord greatly, and I fear His Name (worship and hold Him in awe). He is Lord of the Universe and He knows me, yes--He knows me. He will not let me go, and He will not let me down. He will hold onto me and steady me, and when the perfect job is ready, like a good Daddy, He will let me go! Until then, He holds onto me and says, "Carol, we have to wait in line some more. Just be patient." He knows I am saying, "When Daddy? When?" and He knows that it will be very soon indeed.

It is funny how we do these things to our Heavenly Father just like our little ones do to us. We hold onto their tiny little hands and tell them to wait. They bounce and whine and cry, and want to go NOW! But, we just smile at them (when we can control ourselves -- been there and done that one too many times) and say "soon, honey -- real soon now." It is hard to wait. It is very hard to be still, but we must do it. We know that we cannot rush the process. You can yell and scream for the person at the counter to go faster, but all you will get is a surly counter person when your time arrives. If we just chill and wait, then when our turn comes we will be served (and we can have a chance to make them smile -- with our kindness and mercy!) Oh, God is so Good in that way. He knows that He wants us to be concerned about ourselves and our families, for this is natural; but, He also wants us to have enough concern left over to care about others. We cannot go around all hyped up over ourselves and expect to then be compassionate with someone else. No, it just doesn't work that way.

Dear Lord,

I know you have my life in the palm of your hand. You know me so well, and you know that it is so hard for me to be still and wait for the process to finish. I am ready, I am ready, and I am ready NOW. Your will is set and done -- but we are waiting on human beings to do what they must do and not all of them are your children. Not all of them are letting your Holy Spirit guide them. I don't want to get so self-absorbed that I can no longer be compassionate toward others I meet. Therefore, I ask you to take this responsibility away from me. Let me rest in the assurance of your Grace (it is always sufficient), and let me no longer focus on my needs, but on the needs of other people (in my family, in my church, and in my local community). My Praise goes to You alone today, and I thank you for your Grace to me. In Jesus' Name I pray, Amen.

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