Last night I spent the entire evening tossing and turning in bed. It was horrible. The boys weren't actually to blame (huh? they ALWAYS are to blame! LOL!) I had another night of vicious dreams, dreams that seemed to never end, and dreams that woke me up. I just do not like the fact that I dream so much, and that my dreams are like this. My son has similar dreams, and has so since he was a baby. I did as a child too, but most Dr.s and Psychologists say that you outgrow them by a certain age. In our case, we still have them (he is almost 17, and I will be 48 in October).
Our dreams aren't the usual "tornado" or "stuck in the toilet" type (I had my share of those kind too). No, our dreams are always spiritual dreams, dreams of darkness, and dreams where we are asked to confront Satan or one of his workers. In every instance, we both hear ourselves confessing Jesus as the Christ, and claiming victory in His Name. Sometimes this occurs while we are still asleep, in that weird dream-like place. Other times, we wake up and sense some presence or just feel the darkness (like if darkness could get any darker -- this is how black it appears). We then begin the process of confessing and casting out. It works, and we find relief and peace. I have put up with this for years, at least 32 of the last 48 (almost) have been this way.
In my dream last night, I don't recall much detail, which is unusual. I simply remember crying out the word "evil" and then being awoken. Once I woke up, I knew immediately what was what. I felt the shivers come over me, and movement across my body (which is also unusual). I just said to the Lord: "Oh no, I will not stand for this again." And, then zap! I just unloaded about ten minutes of praise and worship along with some casting out. I am so downright tired of this stuff. I want it to stop, and I want to live in peace.
The Word has been coming to me every morning (well, almost every) from this Psalm:
A song of ascents.
1I call on the Lord in my distress,
and he answers me.
2Save me, O Lord, from lying lips
and from deceitful tongues.
3What will he do to you,
and what more besides, O deceitful tongue?
4He will punish you with a warrior’s sharp arrows,
with burning coals of the broom tree.
5Woe to me that I dwell in Meshech,
that I live among the tents of Kedar!
6Too long have I lived
among those who hate peace.
7I am a man of peace;
but when I speak, they are for war.
I live with a man who is for war. Granted, I am not speaking about physical battles and actual fighting; but I am speaking figuratively about spiritual warfare. In my home, there are two forces at work: one belongs to the Living God, who lives and dwells within me and my son; and the other belongs to the ruler of this world, who is working and attempting to live within my husband. Now, know this -- not all marriages made between believers and unbelievers are at war. Many non-believing spouses are agreeable to the presence of God in the lives of their husbands or wives. They do not disagree or go against what the Spirit wants to do. However, when a believing spouse chooses to forsake Christ in favor of the enemy, something powerful begins to happen. That person, unless they are turned around, becomes a chief prize that the enemy seeks to destroy. It is like Capture the Flag -- your goal is to capture the enemies flag to win the game. In Spiritual warfare, your goal is to capture as many believers as possible, so that they no longer confess Jesus Christ or they become ineffectual for His Cause. In some cases, the goal is simply to derail the other believers in the home through torment and persecution. This is our case precisely.
I have stood my ground for all these years, defended my person and my home from harm, and protected my child from these types of assaults. There really are two reasons why this happens to us and why this is different from most situations. One has to do with my specific calling to ministry (and my son's as well); and the other has to do with the fact that my husband opened up the door to Satan through occult practices. Once you open that door, you allow Satan to come in and torment everyone you are associated with on familial grounds (meaning who are tied by blood or marriage vows). Satan cannot hurt us; but he can torment us with dreams, with visions, and with sensation of things around us. Add to the fact that I have the gift of discernment (as does my son), and we are especially receptive to these types of attacks.
Many Christians are attacked like this, but they do not discern the spirits. We are told in the Word to discern the spirits (to test them) and see if they are true or not. Apparently, in the early church, there was a lot of heresy (spiritual teaching) going on. I think also (though the Word doesn't clearly say it -- but we know that demon possession was a huge problem for the early church) Paul was speaking to us to warn us about anyone who may come in spirit form and bring another message. This might not have been as true then; but it sure is now. If you look on the internet under Angels, Spiritual Guides, Mediums, etc. you will find instructions on how to open yourself up to these messengers. We know that God forbid Israel from allowing anyone who practiced divination within the boundaries of the nation (be it a village, a town or a city like Jerusalem). Psychics were routinely stoned; sorcerors were to be burned. This prophecy in the New Testament warns us against those who practice such things, and puts the onus on us to keep ourselves from any relationship or interest or even discussion of such things.
Christians who follow astrology, numerology or any other ancient eastern practice are especially vunerable to attack. Many may not even know they are being attacked. Not all attacks come the way they do to me. Many attacks are physical as in illness that will not go away, mental distress (confusion or inability to make decisions). Moreover, many attacks are progressive. They are devised to weaken the person so often they are prolonged -- the more weak the individual becomes, the more unable they are to stand and fight off the enemy.
Why then is this happening to me and my son? I can only think of these two reasons. I have had these kinds of attacks before my marriage to my husband. I have experienced these things since I was a child; therefore, there is something about me that is a great interest to Satan. Perhaps it is what I am to do in ministry later in life? Perhaps it is simply my faith now. However it works out, one this is for sure: over the course of time, I have become strong through these constant skirmishes. I no longer fear them -- I simply detest them. I take them head on, and just get it done (like Larry the Cable Guy would say). It is best to do it right off, and get the matter resolved. I do that now. The problem I face is really the issue of how this constant battle wears at me. I have prayed and asked the Lord if this will go away or stop when my husband and I are no longer living together. He has promised me that it would.
I stand on your Word to me today. You are my Protector and my Provider, and I know that this present warfare will cease soon. Give me today the stamina to endure this trial, to bring you glory, and to exalt your Name on high. I give you all the Praise now, and thank you for your constant protection and your presence. In Jesus' Name I pray, Amen.