I just logged into Macy's online scheduling program to see my work hours for the next two weeks. I am schedule to work next week: Sunday, Tuesday and Wednesday. Then the following week, I work Wednesday, Thursday and Saturday. It actually is a fairly doable schedule, for part time work, I mean. It won't faciliate me working for another company, but it would be a nice part-time schedule -- if you only need to work some extra hours to earn some extra cash. My take home pay will be anywhere from $165-195 per week or about $780 per month. This is about the same amount I earned when I worked part-time at my church. It is good money for what kind of work is being done -- but not enough to support me and my son on a full-time basis.
I am so uncertain right now whether there IS another job out there for me. I got a notice from ASU today, thanking me for applying for a job back in May. I thought I was out of the running on that position shortly after I applied; but I guess not. This leads me to wonder how many OTHER jobs are still sitting out there in the "unknown" land of potential employment? It also makes me wonder how long I need to wait on each application BEFORE I assume it is a "no-go."
I was talking with my Mom yesterday about being patient and waiting on the Lord for these jobs. I now realize that finding a job is like raising a crop: you sow the seed, but don't expect overnight results. You sow seed hoping to reap a harvest in the fall -- down the road; not in the next day or two. This seems to be what is happening with my job applications. I applied back in the Spring, and some jobs quickly fell off the radar -- I got a notice, whether by email or on the company website that I was no longer under consideration. Some jobs have never produced anything -- at the least -- not yet. Then there are some that are just open ended, like Target for example. I applied to four (4) upper level retail positions here in Phoenix. Three of those four closed right away. One is still open (as of yesterday). I am still being considered for a Group Leader position at Target in Phoenix. This is sort of an Operations Manager level position, and would pay a salary, not hourly wages. Interesting, that of all the positions at Target, from hourly PT to Store/Team Leader, they have not determined that I am a poor fit for this position -- well, not anyway yet.
What does this mean? I honestly don't know (from a spiritual standpoint). From a logical/earthly mind, I think it simply means "don't count your chickens before they hatch;" or you just never know what might sprout -- given the right conditions, and God's will. Leave it to Him alone, and He will cause the harvest to burst forth.
"I have planted, Apollos watered; but God gave the increase. So then neither is he that planteth any thing, neither he that watereth; but God that giveth the increase." ~1 Corinthians 3:6-7 KJV
Therefore, it is up to us to plant the seed of anything we do -- we plant, someone else waters; but ONLY God is the one to cause growth to occur. I liken this to my job search. I submitted my resumes, someone else (the HR person) oversees whether they will receive water (support); but it is God who causes the door to open, the heart to be tender towards His will, and finally the acceptance to come. I can only do my part, and that is to faithfully plant seeds. I have to leave the rest to those people who are next in line; and then ultimately, trust God to do the increase.
This is where I am today, and it makes good sense to me. I know His will and the plan He has for my life. I can do nothing to make His will or plan come to pass. I have tried, oh boy, have I tried to do both. Whenever I take my hand to do the part I am not called nor equipped to do -- I fail miserably, feel awful, and find myself out of sorts, out of place, and off the mark. However, when I do that which He has called me and annointed me to do -- then I am empowered, or the least, feel empowered by His Spirit and His Grace to do the thing, and experience great joy in the process of waiting for His reward. My resumes are my seed; HR is watering them (some companies are; some are allowing the seed to lay infertile in the ground); God is behind the growth process, causing everything to work together for my good.
"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." ~Romans 8:28 KJV
Sometimes I feel like I have God "all figured out" (he he). I know this is not the case; I know it will never be the case. But, because of His Generous Nature, He often clues me in to certain things, let's me participate with Him in His part -- because He does this, I come to feel like I am an integral part of His plan for my life. I come to think I have it all down pat, when in reality, I only know the portion God chooses to reveal to me. I am grateful for that small morsel of information, don't get me wrong; it is just that I sometimes take God's Generousity for granted. I sometimes come to expect that He will reveal everything to me, that I somehow deserve to know everything. Again, I know this is not true -- I don't deserve to know anything. It is all of Grace, God's Marvelous Grace that I stand here today, alive and well. Yet, I want to know what is to come, I have come to enjoy the Spirit of Cooperation that exists between us (me and God). I want to know these things, even when they are lofty, too high for me to really grasp and understand.
This is where faith comes into play, this is where you must trust God, and trust that He knows best. I have found myself bumper to bumper at times with obstacles that simply do not make sense. Our Pastor has said numerous times that "with God, things are not always as they seem." This is the absolute truth. There is an enormous boulder sitting in front of me. I see it, I know what it is, and it is blocking my way. I don't see any way around it, and climbing over it would be impossible too. Yet, I know I must go through, I must stay on this path, I must overcome this challenge. How do I do that when everything "appears" to be impossible? I trust God that He has a plan to demolish that boulder right where it sits. He has a way for me to walk on through, but it will only be in His time, and through His efforts. So I must stand here and look at the boulder, and I must watch it each day as it blocks my way. I must not come to hate the boulder or even detest it; I simply must recognize it for what it is: an obstacle that the Lord will deal with in His time. I must accept it for what it is -- just a big hunk of rock, too big for me to shift or move. However, God who is the Creator of all things (rocks included), can easily move it out of my way. He can do it, He can. I must put my faith into action and choose to believe that God will move it, God will make a way. He is able, and He is willing to do it -- but in His time.
Thank you for the wakeup call to remember that you are God and I am not. Thank you for helping me to remember that every obstacle in my path is there for a reason, and that I don't always understand why things are so. You understand, and you are able to do with these things as you please. I ask you to move this obstacle from my path so that I can "walk on." I ask you to do this today, so that I can continue to follow after you, and not have to sit and stew much longer. I ask this now in Jesus' Name, knowing full well, that you will do as you please when the time is right. Your time, your way, your will, your power, your good pleasure -- always for you and your honor and glory. Amen, so be it, thy will be done.