I am feeling that way again, feeling nervous and like I am out of control. I don't like to feel out of control. In fact, I will do just about anything to keep that feeling as far from me as possible. I am a "control freak," and I have to feel like I know what is coming, and what will be, and what to look out for in the road ahead. The problem is that life doesn't always come at you in predictable ways. Often, it comes on you quickly, and you find yourself hitting a curve at full speed. You need to be cautious, that is for certain; but, you also need to drive at a steady pace (or else you will never get anywhere!) I think the issue is this: I have suddenly grabbed the steering wheel back from the Lord, and I am trying to control the speed and pace of our vehicle. This is not to be; no, not at all. I am panicked and whenever you begin to panic, it signals to you that you have taken your eyes off the road (or the Lord) and are attempting to manuever yourself.
Yes, I did it; I did it, indeed. I took my eyes off my precious Lord yesterday. I panicked when I received some distressing news, and instead of just saying, "Well, Lord -- this is a fine pickle. What are your plans for getting this situation cleared up?;" I started to devise my own plan, my own thoughts on the matter. And, without His permission; I just steamed on ahead of him. I knew right away that I had made a mistake, but I stewed about it for a time. I knew that I had attempted to make my own way without Him, and I felt that sinking feeling. I don't like it, no not at all.
I know what I did and why I did it. I panicked when I heard some news that made me want to take control back from you. I know that your way is best. I know that your will is best. I don't want to be in control, not this way -- anyhow. I want your way, always your way. I want your peace and I want that sense of knowing that you got me "covered." Please forgive me for walking away and trying to figure things out on my own. It is your way, always, Lord. I want your way today, and every single day hereafter. In Jesus Name I ask this prayer, Amen. So be it, thy will be done.