August 31, 2010

The Next Day

You know how it is -- you always feel a bit more clear headed the DAY AFTER some event. This is how I feel today. I had a so-so night, nothing too upsetting, and I think I rested fairly well. I started sleeping on two pillows, and have found that I seem to fall asleep faster, and then stay asleep longer. Who'da thunk that an extra pillow might be the answer to my night time woes? And a cheapie $5 pillow from Target to boot! LOL!

I think I did dream some last night, but only remember a fragment of the imagery. I recall seeing a snake, a rattler that was hissing and spraying out venom (do they do that? In my dream it did -- what is that snake that shoots venom at it's prey? Oh well...dreams are messed up like that at times -- a hodge podge of images pasted together from your memory cells! LOL!) I remember thinking that I didn't like what it was doing. It was trying to spray on little animals, helpless and defenseless animals (and me being an animal lover -- this was definitely bordering on a nightmare). Nothing came of it, I just witnessed the snake shooting venom at helpless animals, and then I must have awoken. Weird stuff, Maynard?

In Biblical terms, the snake represents Satan, and one could logically draw the conclusion that his venom is really all the garbage he spews at us (lies, deception, trickery, false idols, cursing, etc.) The helpless animals could be representative of us, of people, the sheep of the Bible who long for a Shepherd to care for them. It is possible my dream was particular to what I was feeling yesterday -- sort of a quasi-indictment of my interview behavior. I was horribly tormented afterward, much more so than ever before. I was accursed on grounds that typically fall away -- things like my words, my answers, etc. I was being criticized (in my head) for my entire experience as though I had done something wrong, as though I had been deceitful (which I was not). This loathing experience lasted well into the night, even though I did try and defend myself with Scripture. I gave myself a good talking to, telling myself that I did my best, I said what was true, and I acted like myself. I cannot really explain why I felt like a "deer in the headlights" during that interview because most of the time, I am fairly sure-footed. I can handle difficult situations with ease, and I can usually deal with stuff coming at me from no where (you know -- catch the hot potato game?) But, the entire interview from start to finish was like one bad experience -- it wasn't awful, it just didn't feel right (KWIM?)

This was just a difficult experience for me, and I still don't have a clue why it was the way it was. The good news is that I am content to let the Lord lead me on this job. If this is His chosen venue for me, then it will be. If not, then it will not be.

On another job front, a received a call from the Apple Store in Phoenix. They didn't leave any voice mail, which is a bit disconcerting. I checked the phone number and it was definitely them. I am not sure why they didn't leave me a message, but perhaps they decided to put off calls or just were short handed that day. I looked online and see that they don't have a store manager -- perhaps that is the issue, perhaps the person who would normally do the hiring is not there, so someone else is filling in for them? Oh well...nice thoughts any way.

I am now reconsidering working for Apple, should they call me. I don't want to look down upon the Rio Salado College job because it is a good steady position. It is just entering web content into Dreamweaver, that is all. It is not designing course content or even managing it -- it is simply entering it into the program to put it up online. I wonder if I would get bored with the work? Gosh, that sounds so trite doesn't it? I mean, here I am blogging about needing a job, wanting a job, getting desparate for a job -- and then a good one comes around, and I am saying "Oh, maybe I would be bored?" Slap, slap, slap!

The truth is though this is often the case when you are looking for work. I don't think there is anything wrong with seeking a position that is challenging and stimulating. I am all about doing good work, integrity and honor are key for me, but also I am all about people building and leadership and this job has none of that. I would sit in a cubicle all day and code HTML. The more I think about it, the more I think I might prefer the freedom of selling Apple products. I mean, I am a people person, and I like talking to people, ministering to people, and reaching out and helping people. This job has none of that -- just coding all day long.

I am too old, I think for this type of work. I am over qualified, and I have higher aspirations. I don't mean to put anyone down, in fact; I said to my 17 year old son -- "this job would be a great start for you." It is true. For a newly graduated person, what a great job opportunity. For an almost 50-year old woman -- probably not. They want someone to do this job for several years (they said that) and I have done it for 10 already. I am ready to move on, I wanted to do something different, and this job is really less than what I did in my own business. I was the boss, the creative designer, and the production techinician all rolled into one -- now I would just be a "producer" as they called it.

Well, I think I have my answer. I might have to take this job, and I would work unto the Lord in it; but I think I am better suited to a more in-person type of job whereby I can reach people. Ok, Lord, I see your point, I get your drift. I am ready to assume managerial responsibility for people and product at Apple.

Dear Lord:

I understand now that getting a job is not just about experience and qualifications, it is about satisfaction and that sense of accomplishment. I am all about people empowering and encouragement, and at this stage in my life, I believe this is what you desire me to do. Please bring me a job where I can do your work and your will and give you all the Glory. In Jesus' Name I ask, Amen. So be it, thy will be done.

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