August 17, 2010

Some Plans Perhaps

So, I wrote about applying to Apple Computer (retail and corporate) the other day, and now I am thinking more and more about the possibility of working there instead of at Macy's. Retail is retail, and frankly, it is yucko (I'd say that other word, but I don't think my Lord likes it when I do). Retail is such hard work, but for me, it might be my only avenue to get back into the employment game.

Many years ago, a co-worker gave me some advice. I remember it now, because it rings true for me. He had been unemployed (I cannot recall why); but, found himself struggling to get a job -- any job after several years of not working. Even though he was mightly qualified, well-educated, and so very willing; he was older, and for some odd reason no one was interested in hiring him. I was young, oh so very foolish, and thought jobs just grew on trees (like apples - no pun intended). I never had an issue quitting a job and then finding another; in fact, I did it often back then.

[His advice: be thankful for any job you can get. Do not be so picky about the work, and take what you can until you are able to find the right job that fits your abilities. Do retail, even if that is all you can do. It gets you back in the game, and can open up doors to you.]

Now I am older, like that co-worker, and am in the same boat. Although I had been employed many years ago in a good job, with good benefits and a good salary; I quit to return to school. I had planned on going to graduate school right after and then finding work as a Professor of English. That plan never came to pass and I found myself retired of sorts to become a stay at home Mom. I loved being home with my son, and for many years -- only did Mom stuff. Then I started to work in a home-based business, on the side really, just to earn some extra cash. This business grew and helped to support us through some pretty lean years.

About three years ago, I was fed up with working in this business. I was tired of being put upon and used, and wanted to do something else. I tried church work for a time, but that wasn't a good fit for me. I felt that the Lord wanted more from me, that He had a plan for me, and that I was off the mark somehow -- in the wrong place or wrong time. Over the course of these three years, I have come to find my purpose and understand His plans for my life. I have also experienced incredible sadness as I watched my marriage crumble before my feet. I have had to care for my son's emotional state as well, and I have had to pull up my own boots and start doing work that I really do not want to do.

I know God has a good plan for me, but it seems far off at times. I am working in a job -- thank the Lord -- but it is a job that is killing me and not a good fit. It is a job, and I am praising Him for it. I don't want to sound ungrateful, but I am struggling to go to my shifts and keep a good attitude. God knows me, He knows how my feet hurt me so much, and how I don't want to be there. However, there is some reason why He opened that door, and He has asked me to stay there through the end of this month.

In the meantime, I have applied with Apple to work in their retail store. Will they hire me? I don't know (God does). Is working at Apple retail better than working at Macy's retail? I sure do hope so. I know the pay is better, PTL. There is nothing I can do either way until the Lord opens the next door. I feel like I am riding in an elevator, slowly moving up floor by floor, and waiting there until the bell dings and those doors slide open -- to arrive. I truly do not know where I will be or what floor I will get off on so I just have to wait inside until the elevator stops moving. God knows these things, and He is the one who put me in that elevator. I am listening to the music and waiting as it moves up, up, up to where He wants me. It is hard to wait in that small room, to not know what I will find when the doors do open up. I do know this, though; God's will is perfect. His plans are perfect, and His purposes are always perfect. I may not see His hand right now, but I feel the steady pressure of His fingers upon my back and head. He is guiding me, holding me steady, and lovingly comforting me when I cry out that I am in pain. He knows my sorrow -- He is well acquainted with the way I feel right now. God be praised always -- hallelujah! God knows best, and I am content to wait for those doors to open and for His hand to gently lead me out and into the job of His choosing.

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