August 6, 2010

Still Waiting

It is now 6:12 p.m. and I have sat home all day waiting for my package to be delivered from UPS. I received a call this morning saying that it had been sent out for delivery, but there was no expected time given. I logged into the website to verify the tracking number, and sure enough, it is out for delivery (at 5:12 a.m. or thereabouts). My little certificate from California has been sitting in a hot truck all day, and I have been waiting here at home, anxiously waiting, for it to arrive. My stomach is in knots, and I feel sick. The later it gets, the worse I feel. I turn towards the window every time I hear a truck go by my house. I know the "UPS" truck sound, that deep rumble followed by the squelch of the brakes. UPS bounds up and down my street once a day, sometimes twice, and I often see it parked at my neighbors house across the street. Today, for some strange reason it has not come by at all. No deliveries to this end of my neighborhood, and I am starting to worry about that fact. Of course, what can I do? If for some reason my package doesn't get delivered today, it will come out on Monday. This package has to be signed for because it is certified. That means that I have to wait here to receive it, and if I have to do it on Monday, I will. I feel confident it will come, so I am practicing my deep breathing and trying to remain as calm as possible.

To help me relax, I am listening to Yo Yo Ma play the "Applachian Waltz" with Mark O'Connor and Edgar Meyer. This is a special version recorded specifically with Yo Yo Ma. You cannot hear it anywhere else but on his "Appassionato" CD. I am also listening to him play "Gabriel's Oboe" from the movie, "The Mission." This also is a one of a kind version written for him by the original author. Both pieces are beautiful and send me into that praise mode of giving Glory to God. I am taken up from this place here in the dust, and I am lifted higher and higher to where He is. This music moves me so much, and I love it, just love it.

Still my tummy hurts, and I do not know if it is nerves or the left over scalloped potatoes I ate at 3:00 p.m. I was hungry and had already had a sandwich at noon. I have indigestion, and perhaps it is a combination of the two things: stress (anxiety over waiting all day long), and eating too much/too heavy a meal. Yuck! I feel yucko!

But what can I do, eh? I must wait, so I wait. I am developing patience, you know, the fruit of His Spirit. I am having to wait patiently, and I have to endure these feelings of worry, of doubt, and of uncertainty. I don't like it, I don't like it one bit; yet, I know that God will have His perfect result in me. I am determined to give Him all the glory; therefore, I must submit and yield and let Him have His way in me. I don't mind because this is what I am all about now. I want Him to be Glorified, and my suffering is how that happens. My suffering, that is, so long as it is for His Name and not my own in any way, shape or form. God knows me well, and He knows how hard this is for me. I have released this to Him, and I have let it go. God will be praised today regardless of what happens, or when I finally get my answer. I am determined for Him to be praised today, so be it.

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