Yep, me and Bugs want to know what is up -- I mean -- what is going on with me and this job thing? I have done everything the Lord has asked of me, but I am seriously confused over what is up. I was so jazzed initially, and I am trying to keep a good face on as I face each week -- but, it is getting harder and harder to actually do that -- keep a good face on, I mean. I don't know what is going on, and I feel like I am on one big merry go round. Should I stick it out with Macy's, even after this whole scheduling snafu? Or should I dump and run back home? I don't seem to have much at home right now, and it looks like there is little opportunity for me to restart my former web business. I am in a huge conundrum, and I need help. Please Lord, what is up?
As I type this blog post out, this thought races through my mind: "With God, things are never as they seem." Yes, this was something our Pastor said a couple weeks ago, and it has stuck with me. Just when you think you have Him all figured out, and your life set in order; He comes along and just shakes things up a bit. Does He do it on purpose? Why, yes! Of course, He does! LOL!! With God, things that appear normal to us often are multi-faceted and multi-dimensional. They have various layers, like an onion; and, we don't always realize that there are layers to be peeled back. Often, we are so blind to what is going on that we simply go in and out the same door UNTIL we get smacked in the face with it as it slams shut on us.
This is exactly how I feel right now. I feel like I am going in and out the same door -- but I am not getting anywhere. I am just going in and out. Perhaps this is His will for me right now or perhaps there is a lesson to be learned. I don't know, I just don't know. I do know that I need some clarification, and that I really would like to know what the Lord is doing right now (as if He has nothing of import to do right now! Yeah, I don't think so!)
Update: August 17, 2010
I just got back in from my 4-hour shift at Macy's. My feet are not as sore today because I have been wearing my Nike tennis shoes with my dress pants instead of dress shoes.
Some things have changed since I first wrote this post. First off, I realize that this position at Macy's is just temporary work. It serves the purpose of getting some retail experience on my resume, and gives me verifiable employment. Secondly, it serves to offer me some extra cash on hand, not much, but some extra cash to cover my expenses the next couple weeks. I am not sure what the Lord has in mind, but perhaps the money I earn from Macy's will be enough for some specific thing. Lastly, I have learned a bit about myself. I don't mind working retail, so long as it is a specific kind of work. I also learned that I much prefer management versus actual floor work. I have had the opportunity to see how the Macy's managers work, and while I can see their tactics, I just don't think this is my style at all. I am much more into leadership and empowering the individual for success than in the bottom line sale.
Moreover, I have also learned that I need a job where I can sit down most of the time. I cannot stand daily and function well. I need rest, days off, and I need plenty of down time. So my overall impression of Macy's is this: the majority of people who work there do it as extra cash or for the benefits they can purchase as FT employees. Most are not loyal, and most are not interested in really pursuing Macy's as anything other than temporary (it's a "job" type work).
Where does that leave me now? I think the main thing is that I know more now than before, and I am more agreeable to working in a specific type of retail establishment. I don't really care for product sales, but can do it so long as it has some importance to me. My real love is corporate training and leadership development, so that is where I want to end up. How do I go from here to there? This is 100% dependent upon the Lord. He has to open up an avenue to allow me to move into training, and then provide that open door for me. Will He do it? I sure do hope so -- I think it is His will -- therefore it will be.
May God be praised today -- for He is so GOOD to me.