I have had a snack, I have taken some Advil for my back and cramps, and I am now sitting here catching up on email and blogging at bit. I was just praying to the Lord, and I found myself expressing my frustration over my situation (again!) This time, my frustration doesn't stem from a lack of activity; rather, it stems from a flurry of recent activity and the potential outcome that may result. I said to the Lord: "Lord, I don't think I can hang on anymore. I don't think I can hold everything together."
You see, I am trusting the Lord, and I am relying on His understanding for how things will be. However, I am attempting to understand what is going on in my life, and I am finding it too difficult to keep everything together. I simply cannot do it -- I cannot maintain my physical being, and keep all the details of any spiritual movement and emotional changes in their proper order. Everything is running together, and I am trying to sort it all out. I just cannot do it.
I blogged about this very thing about a month ago. I was at this point -- feeling as though I was trying to hold everything together, and not succeeding at keeping anything in my hand. I guess the old saying is true: "let things go. Keep what the Lord gives to you in an open hand." Yes, I am grasping at what He is offering, and I am holding on tightly like a child on a wild carnival ride. My teeth are gritted, my hands are clenched around the bar, and I am leaning into Him, holding fast to the ride because it is zooming by so quickly. It is a wild ride for sure; but, I am feeling as though I can no longer hold on. I have to let this go now.
I have reached the end of my ability to hold it all (everything, my life, my future, all my responsibilities, as well as all the promises you have made to me) together. I am letting it go, and I am giving it back to you. I cannot do it in my strength, I cannot go where you are sending me through my own ability. I am not able to do what you ask -- only you can do it through me. Therefore, in Jesus' Name, I relinquish my hold, and I let it all go. Whatever you choose, whatever you decide, whatever comes to pass -- may it be your will, and may it bring you glory. Amen. So be it, thy will be done. Selah, pause and calmly think on that.