I am loving my school!! I guess I am one of those perpetual students, the kind that never can get enough of college! LOL!!
I forgot how enlightening and engaging school was for me, and how much I enjoyed thinking deeply on subjects new to me. When I was in undergraduate school, I recall only some of my courses causing me to think deeply, and requiring that I stretch myself academically. English was one of these departments, but not all of the courses I took allowed that of me. Most wanted me to just deconstruct the text (to break it apart) and then diagnose any patterns, problems, or possible theories for the literary elements and language. One professor in particular, took a keen interest in my writing, and always allowed me more reign to explore the philosophy or psychological aspects of the work. This was my element, and the place where I found the most stimulation and challenge. In my Humanities courses I often had the opportunity to explore these subject areas; but then, it was par for the course, so to speak. Philosophy was not a "no-no" in these courses, and often, was considered an integral part of the reading assignments.
I was uncertain exactly how Mercy would choose to format their English program. On the one hand, it was clear that they were a traditional classics type program, whereby you study English and American literature along with writing. This focus is what drew me to the program as it fit me better than say a local university that had various streams of interest outside the traditional canon of Western literature. Though I have no issue reading from other cultures, and in fact, I greatly enjoy it -- it is more a matter of idealogical standing -- and some schools tend to be bent far right or far left (if you get my drift).
Mercy appears to be a school where traditional courses are taught, but where students are allowed the freedom to express themselves outside the scope of decontruction. I am estatic and cannot tell you how relieved I am right now. I turned in my first response paper for my Chaucer course and I got a great response back from my professor. These are ungraded, but they generally will let you know where you are standing as far as how free you are to explore a topic. In my case, my writing was well-received (thank you, Jesus), and the professor liked my ideas and approach to the subject (hooray!) Now, I can rest and know that I can just read and digest and then discuss these works as I think upon them (orally and in writing). Writing is my foray, it is my strength, and I am far more persuasive through writing, then in person. I think I am like the Apostle Paul in that regard. He often said that he wasn't persuasive in speech, and that people were taken aback by his physical presence and his apparent lack of speaking skill. Yet, his letters were another matter entirely, and that is what caused such an abrupt sense of "Whoa, is this the same man?"
I tend to be all over my words when I am speaking in person. Often, I am so lost and clueless, that I sit in the outer fringes of the discussion and struggle to hang on. I am just not a good linquist. I love words, but I often cannot find them when I need them. I am very content to be inside my head, in my books, and in my writing (journals). I like it, and feel most comfortable with myself as my only audience. Writing scholary papers is the same way for me -- I love the challenge and complexity of them, but also I enjoy the quiet solitude where I can sit and think and then try and express myself well. It is like a game to me -- can you really articulate what is in your head in such a way that the reader will "get it?"
Therefore, I guess I know my trueself (if you can really know yourself), and that is the fact that I am a writer, a scholary writer, bent towards psychology and philosophy, specifically dealing with the nature of how we learn and process truth. It is who I am, and it is the field that I enjoy most, and where I could see myself directing my entire life's work. God made me this way for a reason, and I am loving it. I am thanking Him for the gift of writing, and the ability to perform it so well. May God be praised today for His unfathomable Goodness toward me.