The funny thing (curious) is that I went to church today feeling so low and blue, just down about everything in my life. I have felt lost recently, clueless of sorts, stuck trying to figure out where I am going and how to get there. I prayed about it today, wondering what I may have done to get myself in this spot, and then asking how to go about getting myself out of it. Usually, whenever I in this particular kind of spot, I go before the Lord and then seek His explanation as to what is what. I come away confessing, acknowledging all that I have done or haven't done, and then placing my trust back upon Him. When these types of things happen to me, they almost always coincide with the Lord's Day. It never fails, I will be sitting in church singing or listening to the message, and it is like a bolt of divine understanding just hits me in the head. I hear the truth, I recognize it as it pertains to my own situation, and I come out of it thinking "Oh, yes, I get it now."
This is exactly what happened to me today. It wasn't so much a WORD or anything like that, it was rather just a feeling of "you are right where you belong." I had this sense of peace about everything in my life right now, and then this sense that everything was OK, and that I would be OK too. It wasn't like I received miraculous instruction as to how to resolve the unresolved in my life -- no, nothing of that sort. Rather, it was just like everything was OK, that I was OK, and that my work, my school, DJ's school, etc., they were all OK.
After the service, I continued to think about this new revelation, and this is just what I have determined:
- I am committed to knowing Jesus as Lord, and I am devoted to deepening my relationship with Him at all costs. Jesus comes first; everything is second.
- I am working where I need to be right now. Macy's isn't the "job" for me, that is for certain; and, it doesn't pay the bills. Yet, Macy's is where I am, and I like it. I like the people, I like the work, and moreover, the Lord is blessing me there. People seem to really like me, and they are nice to me. I am content to remain at Macy's until the Lord moves me elsewhere. I will still interview, and I will apply at the Holy Spirit's prompting, but finding a FT job is His business and not mine. I am just to "do the work" assigned to me this day. I can do this, I can do it.
- I am pleased with my schooling, and with my schedule (how it will work out). I am also pleased with the course content. The professors seem genuinely good, and they are asking really interesting questions. I think I am really going to like this program a lot, and I know that God is blessing me here. He guided me to Mercy College, and He provided a way for me to go there. Therefore, this is His business -- I am just to do the assigned work. I study, I read, I write -- and God does all the rest. I can do this, I can do it.
- I am also really enjoying my cello studies. I got new strings last week, and I ordered a new bow today. By next week, I will have my new bow, and I should really improve now. I am also loving Chamber. It is so much fun, and it challenges me in ways other than just through the lessons. I love the cello, I love my lessons and I love chamber.
Lastly, I am content to know that I am in the center of the Lord's will for my life. I am doing everything that God has asked of me, and I am being faithful to do the work He has provided. I don't have an answer about my home/life situation, and I don't know what will be long-term. I simply know that my Savior loves me, and that His plans are good. I will wait upon Him, do what He has asked, and rest in the knowledge that He knows best. There is nothing more for me to do, nothing at all. God is responsible for the growth and change in my life, and He is responsible for providing for my needs. I don't have to worry about these because they are not my responsibility. I do what He asks, I trust Him, and then He provides. Pretty simple -- now just let me rest in it, and remember to keep my hands off! PTL!