October 23, 2010

Confessing and Forgiving

After my long, long, long blog post this morning, I sat down to have some quiet time with the Lord. I thought about what I had written, and about how the plans the Lord has shown me have not come to pass or have simply caused me such confusion. After some time of reflection, I realized that I have not been agreeable to the Lord's plans for my life. I have liked them, and I even have been in agreement with parts of them; but, I was not 100% on board with any of them. There was just something not quite right, something off, something fishy (in my own fallen human flesh sense). It wasn't until I came to terms with the fact that every single plan of the Lord's is complete, is perfect, and lacks absolutely nothing. God never does anything half-way. He doesn't skimp nor short-change us. He gives us His Best always, and He only asks that we AGREE with Him (agree that His plans are best). He wants us to be willing to accept them, and then be willing to do them. He never says "Only agree if you THINK you can actually do them, Carol." Nope. And, He never asks me to promise Him that I will do what I say -- He justs asks me to agree with Him, to be in agreement (accord or covenant -- a binding contract that places trust on the other party -- in short -- I am agreeing that God will do His part, and I will try to do mine.) I know my flesh, and I know that any promise I make to Him will never be fulfilled. No matter how I try, I will always fail at fulfilling my promise to Him. He knows this, He expects this, and He has a plan to work around our flesh. His Plan and His Promise and His Provision is...ta da...His Holy Spirit. Yes, the Holy Spirit is our companion/helper. He is the One who keeps the promise to God, who enables us to be strong when our flesh is weak, and who constantly defends us, goes to bat for us, encourages us, and is there to comfort us when we blow it. He is our Friend, and His Job is to see to it that we accomplish God's will for our lives.

Really then...what is my part, what is my responsibility? Just to agree with God on these points:
  • He is God
  • He is always Good
  • He always knows what is Best
  • He always does what is Best
  • He loves me unceasingly
  • He cares for me with an everlasting care
  • He desires for me to know Him better
  • He longs for me to trust Him
  • He wants me to spend time with Him
  • and He enjoys me -- just as I am, warts and all

I don't have to do anything, really. I have to BELIEVE THAT HE IS GOD, THAT HE EXISTS, AND THAT HIS PLANS ARE GOOD. The more I come to know Him, the easier it is to believe in this way. It is also easier to do what He asks of me. I trust Him, I believe what He says is true; therefore, I am willing (agreeable) to do what He asks. It is a really easy proposition if you think about it: God is willing to save you. Then He is willing to restore you (forgive you and help you). Then He is willing to help you know Him. Then once you have a relationship with Him, He will give you important work to do. Cool, huh? I think so. I think it is the BEST.

So after some careful consideration, this is what I have decided. All of the plans God has for me are very good. There is one, though, that appeals most to me (interest-wise). It also seems to be the one my son is most interested in as well. My decision then is to resume Plan B, which is to go to Texas after I finish up my MA at Mercy. It is a short time only, and I will graduate with very sought after degree (the new wrinkle in teaching is Rhetoric). I will also be able to get a full-time faculty position because UT has very high placement results (one of the highest in the nation). Also, their program is geared to churn out teachers -- college teachers. Therefore, it is determined that this is what you will do, and they give you the experience you need while in graduate school. It is a perfectly suited degree program, short and sweet in length, and one that will provide a way for me to teach full-time at a major University. Moreover, UT has oodles of programs for my son. If he decides against Russian, then he can do music. If he chooses recording technology again, there is a program for that as well. If he ends up Liberal Studies, he can do an interdisciplinary degree. It is a good fit, it is a well-thought out and well-designed plan. It is a God-thing.

No comments: