I am up, and it is only 6:22 a.m. What in the world is going on? Well, I think a lot of it has to do with having six full days off of work, and the fact that I have been sleeping in until about 9 a.m. each morning (I get up at 5-5:30 to feed the boys, and then go back to sleep til 9). It has been lovely to sleep in, and the boys have been so good. They are not attacking my door or trying to get inside. I am blessed.
Speaking of work, I logged into Macy's to download my two week schedule and guess what? My hours are cut to 13-17 per week. I was working 20 hours, which paid me about $150 (after taxes). Now, I am only getting about $100 per week. I know this is because they have hired seasonal workers, BUT this really makes it tough on me. I cannot get the hours because the FT people have to have 32 per week to keep their benefits. Most of the FT are getting 28 hours and then scrambling to pick up an extra 4 each week. Dog eat dog, ya know!
So what am I to do about it? Nothing. The Lord has reminded me that I am to work the hours the computer assigns to me, and so far, these have been OK. I have almost every Friday off, which is a blessing (cello and chamber day), and thus far, I have had enough breaks in between to keep my feet from aching so horribly.
I certainly cannot continue to work at Macy's forever. I cannot even live on this amount (now down to only $400 per month), and I have found out that my stipend is coming to an end. This means that by the first of the year, I will be out of work (no work) again.
The Lord has something in mind for me, I know this. He has been prompting me, prodding me, and gently pushing me a certain way, all the while telling me that everything will be just fine. He does this -- He never sends us anywhere without His assurance that everything will be OK. He doesn't set us on a journey without provision, and He doesn't send us out without directions and a map. He is Good that way, and He always makes sure we are ready to go.
I am ready to go, I know this now. I have finally divested myself of everything here in Phoenix. It wasn't easy for me to do either. The last time I moved away from home was when I left San Jose to move here to Phoenix. We left in a hurry, rushed out, not even having a place to go (it was finalized the day before). We arrived to an apartment we had not seen, and we had no knowledge if our things would even fit (or be storable). Furthermore, we left with so many unresolved issues hanging over us. It was a bad situation all around, and our arrival in Phoenix was marked with that same ominous feeling -- it wasn't good either.
This time around, I have had plenty of time to actually process moving. I have carefully considered it, thought about, and done my research on it. I know what I am doing, and I know why I am moving. The last time, I had this very fuzzy reason -- a reason that turned out to not be the real reason for moving, just the stated reason that was told to everyone who asked. This time, though, the reason is clear and correct: I am moving because it is the Lord's will, and He has directed me to go to a particular place for work and school. Good reasons, solid reasons, and reasons that you can setup shop on and build upon.
Yes, it means leaving my family behind; and yes, it means starting over in a new place. However, this time around, I don't feel like I am moving away from things; but rather, I feel that I am moving toward them. I feel like this move is the beginning of my life, the beginning of what God has in mind for me. I am walking towards what He wants, not away from His will. In doing so, I am bathed in the confidence that if this is the Lord's will, then truly EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT.
God is so Good to me, and His will is perfect. It lacks nothing, it is complete, and because it is His will -- it is always completed, it is always finished, it is always done. Amen, so be it, thy will be done.