October 15, 2010

Learning How to Rest in Him

I am spent, literally spent. I didn't have a good night, just another in a series of full dreams interrupted by my boys who either wanted in or out of the room. I slept fitfully, tossing and turning, and then finally falling back to sleep hard after they were escorted out of the room (and got their breakfast). Then, finally, I fell to sleep.

It is a little after 9:00 a.m. and I have had my first cup of coffee. I have checked email, voicemail, and my school mail, and I am blogging a bit. I have also checked in with my Mom, a multiple-times a day event. Mom worries if she cannot reach me in the a.m., and will call and call and call until she gets me "live." I try and call her first thing so that she will not be concerned. My parents live around the corner from me, but my Mom just worries that something will happen to me or my son. I don't know why this is, but she has always been like this, and now at almost 78 years of age, I doubt she will change. Sigh!

Today is going to be a busy day for me. I have school work to finish (topic questions about Samuel Johnson) along with my cello lesson and chamber group. I also have DJ to consider, and we have to seriously start working on school for him. He is doing math, so thanks be to God; but he is not doing anything else. He has "senior-itis" and now that he has passed his entrance exams at PVCC (and earned honors placement), he thinks he is done with high school, LOL! Oh well, such a problem to have, eh? A too smart senior who is so ready for college. I am sure parents of kids who are struggling academically would welcome a student who is already done with classes, and who has gotten a 2-year scholarship to the local CC. I am blessed, that is for certain!

I am still waiting for confirmation on the job with Phoenix College. Furthermore, there has been no mention of the job with Macy's HR. This position was to be part-time, 20 hours, beginning in October?? Nope, not a word. So what does that mean? I don't know, but I guess the Lord's timing is not ready -- YET! With the Lord, timing is everything. His word says:

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose." Romans 8:28 KJV

God is working out the details of my life in such a way so that they are GOOD for me and my son. I need to wait for His timing so that I receive the Good He intends for us. If I get antsy, and I go my own way, then I am not going to receive the Good -- just some mixture of human acceptability. It might be OK, but it won't be His Good, His Perfect and Peaceful Good. No, the only way to receive His Good is to trust and rely upon Him, and to wait for Him to orchestrate all the details into place.

I am content to do this, but it is other people who make it hard to be patient. I wait, but others call and are "concerned" about the length of time passing; others bring up issues that are not of my responsibility and tell me that "I must do something" about them; others try and pull me off point so that I no longer focus on Jesus providing for my needs, but I begin to look to my own hand for the solution. Yes, this seems to be the pattern of my life recently. Instead of me remaining solidly fixed upon God's plans and timing, I have strayed into thinking that it is not good enough or soon enough or right enough. No, it is not Good because if it was it would have already come to pass. This is called PATIENCE, Dear folks, and it is a fruit of God's Holy Spirit. Patience is cultivated by waiting upon the Lord. There is no other way, there is no short cut, there is no easy way. You must wait until the Lord brings His desired completion to pass in your life.

"But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew [their] strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; [and] they shall walk, and not faint." Isaiah 40:31 KJV

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