October 6, 2010

Raining and Other Stuff

We had a really good soaker yesterday. It hailed, and there was even a report of a weak tornado. I didn't see it, but I certainly did experience the heavy rain and high winds. We lost a dozen more roof tiles (the flaps that stick up on our roof). We have needed a new roof for over two years, but haven't had the money to pay to get it repaired. Everytime it rains, I ask the Lord for His Grace over our roof. So far we have had no leaks -- just roof flaps blown off. God is Good like that -- to keep the rain off of us, even though the house itself is getting more and more battered. I guess that is a metaphor for life -- that our spiritual insides are of prime concern to Him, even though our outsides often take the brunt of the outside influence and force. God keeps us safe on the inside so that we don't lose heart or faith in Him. I am blogging today after another couple night's of dreams. My dreams this time were harder to recall, which is so unusual for me. I think this means that I am sleeping better in between them or at the least resting enough so that my mind is waking up refreshed and not so stuffed full of imagery.

Last night's dream (the main one), was about several things: school, waiting for my son to get home from school, and trying to save dead plants. I know -- weirdsville! Actually, the school dream is pretty common for me. Typically, I am in school waiting for class to start or running late to get to class -- something like that -- and almost always I am unprepared for whatever I have to do (like not having read a book, like not turning in a paper, or like not having pencil and pen for a test). Preparation, being on time, being ready -- really are the earmarks of those dreams. It is my biggest fear -- showing up unprepared and then taking my lumps (failed grade or class). Being ready is something I struggle with and it is a constant worry for me. I worry over my assignments, whether I have missed any of them, or whether they are good enough. I did this in real like years ago, and I am doing it now with my graduate classes. I sit and worry -- UGH!

Waiting for DJ, though, is a new dream for me. I have never had to wait for the bus to arrive, as some Mom's do regularly. I always took him to school by walking or in the car, and then we home schooled from 5th grade onward, so he never left home after that point. In my dream, I was in the road waiting for the bus, and looking for him to get off. I wasn't worried, I was just waiting for him. I am not sure what that means or if it means anything other than plain fact -- of waiting for him to come home.

The lady who was planting dead plants, though, is an interesting dream person. There was this girl in my dream, and I was watching her replant dead plants. She was removing dead plants, and then putting them in other pots. I thought -- "why are you doing this?" And, then she would just pull them out of one pot and put them into a trough like pot (like a planter box). She was very happy with her work, and it was so hot outside (and I was amazed that she could work so hard in the heat). I told her to water the plants, and said that "perhaps they would 'come back' to life." Weird, huh?

Spiritually speaking, anything dead in a dream is symbolic of the deadness of life. So whether a person or tree or plant, the dream was basically about trying to save dead things. I don't know what the plants symbolized, whether they were representative of my life or this person's life or just people in general. I did recognize the effort though and that makes me wonder why I was just observing her trying to save these dead things.

I woke up this morning, trying to recall the more fuzzy parts of the dream, and this is all I can remember. Oh, and being in class and then going to the cafeteria to work out some problem. Other than that, I cannot remember how I got to this point in the dream or even how it ended. I think I just woke up (with a leg cramp) and that was the end of things.

There was a road or street in my dream, which always tells me that I am on my path or journey. But why was this person repotting dead things next to my path or road? Hmmm...interesting stuff.

On another note completely, I am pretty content with the plans the Lord has for me now. I have been trusting Him, but not 100% sure that His plans would come to pass. It wasn't as if they couldn't come to pass; no, not at all. It was more of whether THEY WOULD come to pass. God can do everything, all things -- but would He really do what He said He would do for me? That was the big question, and I have been unable to say definitively -- YES HE WILL DO IT.

For some reason these plans make sense to me, and I can see them happening. Mind you, they are still out of my reach, plans that I cannot achieve on my own -- but they just make such good sense, and they seem to fit me (suit me) best. I guess that is what God's plans are supposed to be like -- they should fit us like a 'hand to glove.' I think these plans are a perfect fit for me and for my son, and that has to mean something special.

So today, I am home again (no work until tomorrow), and I have my school work done for last week. New assignments will be posted tomorrow, so today is a freebie day. I have my cello lesson at 2 and that is it. I am making really good progress on cello, and I am finally happy with my ability (I lost my confidence for a bit). Now it is back, and I know I can play the cello. I don't think I play well, but I am content to play where I am at in my book. You know, if you think you can play well, and visualize yourself playing like Yo Yo Ma, then really you are not being truthful. But, if you think you can play well, and visualize yourself playing like a 3rd year student (I am in Book 3), then you are being honest about yourself. I am honest in my performance abilities now -- I know where I am, and I know where I want to be. I am not there yet, and I will not be there for some time. But, it is good where I am now, and I am content to play like a 3rd year student. Next year, I will play like a 4th year student. The following years -- 5th or 6th year student. It takes time to develop skill and ability, and it takes practice. I get it now. I wanted to play so well right away, and I am playing far better than most adults who have had only one year of lessons. I saw the discontinuity of my performance, and then lost my confidence to play at all. I have that back now, and it is a good thing.

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