I am stuck, really stuck. I have felt as though there was this weight pressing down that has almost completely overwhelmed me. I am not overwhelmed, yet; but I am feeling hard-pressed. Partly this is due to the ongoing struggle of my current life situation; and, partly it is due to my own unwillingness to yeild to the Lord as He moves and shapes my path. I want His will, don't get me wrong, I really do. I just don't always do what I say I will do. I say I will do it, and then I forget to do it or worse yet, I forget what I promised at all. It is as if my words just go off into the netherworld, and I totally do not remember what I even said. I remember saying them, yes, this is true. I just don't remember exactly what I said to Him. Ding, ding, ding. Ouch!
As I look to tomorrow, I am reminded of how the Israelites did the very same thing when they were in the wilderness. I read Psalm 78 today, and it was a shocker. I have behaved in exactly the same way, grieving the Lord, and not remembering all that He has done for me. Yuck! I don't mean to do this, really I don't -- but I do it nonetheless. I read these words today:
"For He [earnestly] remembered that they were but flesh, a wind that goes and does not return." ~Psalm 78:39 (AMP)
Oh Lord, remember that I am "but flesh." Do not take your anger out on me this day!
I know the Lord well, but He knows me better. He knows my failings and my shortcomings, and I am in awe of Him. His wrath was taken upon our Precious Lord Jesus, and because of His death -- I am not condemned to suffer the wrath I so justly deserve. It is Grace, all of Grace, and I confess to the Lord today -- Lord, I am flawed human flesh -- but dust and breath that goes away and never comes again. Look kindly upon your servant today, and forgive her for her stubborn and difficult heart. I ask in Jesus' Name now to be released from this barren wilderness, and to be taken into the promised land that is yours only to give. Thank you, Jesus -- Amen.