December 15, 2010

It's 2:38 p.m. and I am thinking Oreos!

Well, I actually already thought about them, and then went to the kitchen, and ate two -- YUM!

Today is Wednesday, and I survived my late shift at Macy's.  I did just fine working in Jewelry.  It was a little hairy to begin with, but after I figured out how to work the keys, I did OK.  Then I ended up in Lingerie/Childrens/Womens before coming back downstairs to help put clothes away in Young Collector (my regular department).  I was beat when I got home at 12:30 a.m., but overall had a good night (I met some new people, hooray!)

This morning, besides sleeping in and then crawling out late (after 10), I pretty much just took it easy.  I went out at lunch, washed my car (at the hand wash), and then stopped by BK for my son (and JB for me).  I am now home, contemplating beginning my paper for my Reason and Imagination course.  I did all my source work yesterday, and today I need to write my analysis.  I think I will wait until tonight as I tend to do my best work after 6 in the evening.

I went back on my word about not applying to anymore jobs for a while!  I was online this morning and the Holy Spirit just led me to a job that I think might be "IT."  Yes, I know -- how many times have I said that about a job, and then it turned out to be nothing at all?  Too many, so I am hestitant to say a word now.  But somehow this is different, really different.  I am so completely at peace with the process, and by that I mean that I am OK with the outcome regardless of what might actually come to pass.  In the past, I was tentative, believing that I had to get this job or that one.  When neither came to pass, I felt rejected and hopeless.  It seemed like that pattern just kept on repeating over and over again.  I was getting depressed until last week when I had a good chat with the Lord about it.  I realized then that I was trying to find a job on my own.  I have been saying here (on this blog) as well as in person that "there are no jobs in Phoenix."  The Lord has shown me oodles of jobs, and I have applied for many of them (nearly 100 or more).  However, none have turned up anything.  I asked Him why and this was His reply to me:  "You wanted to see jobs that you could do, so I showed them to you."  Yes, Lord, but why haven't I gotten hired yet?  His reply again, "Because these are jobs you are seeking, and not the job I have in mind for you."  I didn't get it until yesterday.  I thought we were "sympatico" so to speak, on the same page.  I thought I was trusting Him for a job, and He was showing me jobs in which I could potentially get hired.  Nope.  He was just answering my question of whether there were jobs in Phoenix.  He has repeatedly told me that there is "no job here in Phoenix."  I was confused to say the least. 

This past week, well, just yesterday, it seemed to make sense to me.  I realized that I was trying to make His will for my life come to pass.  I was helping Him find me a job.  He helped me, of course, to see that He didn't need my help, and that the jobs I applied to were good, but not the right fit for me.  I see it, I get it.  Oh, I am so dense some times.  After much mediation on the matter, I quietly asked if there was a job of His choosing out there, and His reply was, "Of course."  Now, I want this job because it is His choice, so I said so.  Those little words, that small change in attitude, garnered great results -- my mind shifted focus, and my efforts became more fixed on doing His will, and less on getting a good job.

The job I applied for today is in my field.  It is not IT, which I have considered as my field for so long.  It is within Marketing/Communications, which is a field I have worked in for about 20 years.  Though not directly, I have provided marketing and communication services as a support person through my husband's business, and then I provided web marketing services through my own business (for 10 years).  I am also a writer, and this is why I am going through graduate school (studying English).  I thought I wanted to teach, but in truth, I simply want to write.  I didn't put two and two together until the Lord and I discussed graduate school (again).  I have been waffling on upper level schooling for about a year now.  I wanted to pursue English, and then Rhetoric.  The Lord has wanted me to pursue Communication.  I was open to this initially, caught His Holy Fire on the subject, and then went off to explore other options.  He has patiently waited for me to come back around to it, and after reviewing and considering perhaps 10 graduate programs, I realized that Communication is my thing.

I was set to attend Regent University come 2012, but then I wanted to see what else was out there.  Now, I am back on board with His choice for school, and as a result, my efforts for seeking a job have shifted as well.  I am becoming conformed to His will, and my mind is being aligned to match His choices.  I think this is how it is supposed to be, cohesive and integrated with His will.  The other way, the way I was doing things, always seemed fractured with parts fitting the whole and parts seeming out of place.  Now I see how everything needs to work together to conform to His plans.  This is what Romans 8:28 means:

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose.

God causes all things, everything, to work together (not fractured, not split apart) for good.  This means that whatever He plans and purposes, it will fit together.  Therefore, His choice in graduate school will fit with my career.  His choice in my career will fit together with my life (where I live).  All of this will work together for His Kingdom purpose, and since I will be apart of that purpose, then everything about my life, my school, my work will fit His ultimate goal for me.  It just doesn't work any other way (believe me, I have tried it).  I am on board now, and I see what He is doing (from the standpoint of causing things to work together).  Now, I just have to wait for Him to cause the right job to come together and fit with my schooling, my life, and my designed/created purpose.  It is all up to Him, and He is more than able to bring all this to pass -- for good (mine and yours and the kingdom of God).  I am blessed.  God is so Good to me.

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