January 10, 2011

Feeling Good Again

I am finally feeling good again.  I struggled a little bit with the news that I wasn't selected for an interview by the company I really wanted to work for, but oh well, what can do you.  I took a couple days off, gathered my emotions up, and decided not to let this setback hurt my overall feelings of good success for 2011.  I feel very positive that this year is going to be the turning point for me, and that I will find a job very soon.

Today, I applied for another local position, this time with a more humble approach.  A friend of mine suggested that I try and downplay my extensive skills, and instead, just feature very general abilities that would show I am a good solid candidate.  I took his advice, so we will see if this company likes the slimmed down version of my resume.  This job is in my current field, IT/Web, and would be very easy for me to do.  I am probably over qualified again, but now I need A JOB so I am willing to do more entry level work (for example, they want 2-4 years of experience, and I have 10 plus.)

I also revisited my school plans and I am convinced that I am on the right track, working towards the degree of the Lord's choosing.  I may not understand it at all, but I am trusting that He knows what is best, and that I have understood what He desires for me to do.  I have vacillated for a time on whether or not it is better for me to study Communication over English Literature.  I had come to the conclusion that the Lord desired Communication, and the job I was hoping for would have aligned perfectly with that choice.   Then the job didn't pan out, and I started to second-guess what the Lord wanted from me.  After a bit of crunching, and really coming down to the fact that I believe Communication is His will, I confessed my fear, and returned to what I know, or what I think I know.

Today, as I was applying online, I noticed something interesting.  My job description or the description I put on my resume says "Website Designer."  This is how I see myself (or saw myself), and I realized that the reason was because I came out of a Graphic Arts/Computer Operations type background.  I have been trying to cross over into Marketing or Media Communications, and I have hit a wall.  The more time I spent on Careerbuilder.com, the more I came to see that the job I did for so many years actually has several titles:  Web Producer, Web Content Specialist, Media Specialist, IT/Web Marketing.  Apparently, the "designer" tag signals to employers that I am a programmer (which I am, but not with a CS degree or anything).  It might also show as a Graphics person since many Web people are also artists.  So with some more time to think this through, I see now that the field I am trying to get into is really the field I am already in -- just defined a little differently.

I don't want to be a Web Content Specialist for the next ten years, but I do want to be a Copywriter or Editor or move into a more central Communications position.  With a PhD in Communication, I can pursue my current field, and then broaden my studies to include New Media and Technology (which is the concentration I want to study).  I didn't see the connection before, and felt that unless I had a title that said "Communications Specialist," I wouldn't be considered for any position within the concentration.  Now, I understand that there is a way for me to pursue what I think the Lord wants from me (for ministry), and use my existing Web skill as a springboard.  I have to be willing to do this work, and up until now, I didn't want to do it.

My previous experience, especially being self-employed was not the best; and, the last thing I wanted to do was work for another company doing practically the same type of work.  It was too close to home, so to speak, and I put up fences saying that I didn't want to do it.  Since I started looking for work back in 2009, the Lord has consistently showed me technology positions to consider.  I said, "No, thanks!"  I wonder now why it has taken me so long to find a suitable job.  Perhaps it was my unwillingness to do the work the Lord had in mind for me?  There is a lot of old baggage attached to my previous work, some very hard feelings, and a general sense of "I am burned out."  God has been trying to use my skills to find me work, and I have not been willing to go where He wanted me to go.  Some jobs I have applied for, but didn't receive consideration included:
  • Website Content Specialist
  • Server Administrator
  • Sr. Web Copy Writer
These are all positions that I am experienced in and have qualifications to pursue.  I didn't want to do these jobs because they were too similar to what I was doing before I started looking for new work.  Now, after almost one and one-half years, I would gladly take any of these jobs -- if only someone offered it to me.

Dear Lord,

I understand now that the delay in finding suitable work has been partly due to my own unwillingness to do the work you have chosen for me to do.  I wasn't interested in doing Web work, and as a result, I have not found any work at all.  I am grateful for Macy's, and I believe that you provided this job to me so that I would have some distraction and small income.  Now, I feel ready to work full-time, and I am still balking at doing the kind of work I am experienced and skilled to do.  Please forgive me, Lord, for not allowing you to provide the work of your choosing to me.  I ask now that you show me or lead me to a job that would be suitable for me (experience and skillwise), and that suits you and your ministry needs.  Thank you, Jesus.  I promise you that I will do the work you provide to me, and that I will trust you for your provision of it, and for your timing on hearing or receiving confirmation.  Amen, so be it, thy will be done.

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