January 18, 2011

Trusting the Lord

I finished watching NCIS tonight, and now I am waiting for my son to phone to say that he is ready to be picked up from church.  He has an opportunity to work at church again, this time learning how to do tech services.  This is something he wants to do for a potential career, so I am hopeful that he can be authorized to learn how to do this job.

On the hair front, I am contemplating what I will do once I get my hair cut.  I know, big deal right?  Well, it sort of is when you think about it.  Your appearance, while not being the sole source of definition of your being, does play an important role in your self-confidence and esteem.  I identified myself for a time with the way I was before I was married.  Back then I wore my hair long -- it was a comfort measure for me -- especially while I was navigating through last year's painful discoveries and difficult trials.  Now that I am starting a brand new year, and looking forward to the great things the Lord has in mind for me, I am ready to let go of the past, and jump feet first into my new future.

I don't know what that future looks like, but I do know this:  it is going to be GOOD.  God is GOOD and as John 15 teaches, if we abide in Him, then He abides in us.  Therefore, His Goodness abides in us as well, for He is Good.  This Goodness then permeates every aspect of our life, and we experience the Goodness of God in every area, every detail, and in every path and event.  God is Good, and I am so glad that I abide in Him, and He abides in me.

I believe that the plans the Lord has for me are GOOD.  I know what I am to do, or at the least, work towards completing over the next few years.  I don't know the exact details, just a firm direction and a committed heart that tells me I am to GO THIS WAY (as opposed to that way, kwim?)  God has directed my steps, and set a path before me, and it is up to me to follow that path.  I don't know what turns are up ahead of me, what roadblocks, or even what hardships will be there -- but I know that God is with me, and as long as He is hemming me in (in front of me and behind me), I can go where He is directing me to go.

Letting go of the past is difficult.  Last year, I had to let go of my identity as a wife, and embrace my life as a single person.  This was hard for me to do, but I have done it.  I may not like this outcome, but I can live with it.  This year, I am committed to doing His will at all cost.  Therefore, I embrace change with a new attitude.  Instead of being fearful of the unknown as I was before, I move forward trusting the Lord for His protection and provision.  I may falter, which I am certain I will, but He will be there to lift me up, and to help me along the way.  I am not alone, and I don't walk this path alone either.  He is always with me, promising that He will never leave me nor abandon me.

I think about the things I need to let go of still, and several come to mind.  The first is old habits and patterns that were part of the "old me."  These need to be replaced with new habits and behaviors fashioned after the Lord.  I am trusting for this to be, and I welcome this change in my life.  Second, I need to let go of everything that I hold so dear, and trust the Lord for His provision and protection.  This is an ongoing process for me, and I am doing better at trusting Him for these two things.  The last thing is really the hardest and that is to let go of my self, all of my self.  You see, I spent Fall 2009, and all of 2010, learning to find myself again, to recreate my identity, and to let the Lord establish me in His Grace.  My identity is in Jesus now, and it is GOOD.  But now, I have to let this go as well, and choose instead to embrace Him first and foremost.  This means that while I never will lose my identity, I am choosing to lay it aside in favor of His will and His wishes and desires for my life.  I say that this is what I want, but I still cling to the reality of my life (house, car, school, hair, etc.)  It is time to let these things go as well, and embrace the future the Lord has for my life.  I am His and He is mine, and together we will accomplish His will for my life.

Praise God for He is Good, and His Mercy endures forever.

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