February 15, 2011

Mercy and God's Will

I logged into my college account today, and see that my financial aid has been disbursed (PTL!)  This means that not only is my tuition paid for Spring 2011, but also that I will be getting a refund check for the balance of my student loan.  This "blessing" is from the Lord, and last fall, when I received the first installment, I about fell out of my chair.  I wasn't expecting it at all, and when I opened up the check, I couldn't believe it was true.  It was a gift and that gift has helped me take care of business around the house, pay the bills, and get some real financial planning in place.  I cannot tell you what a relief it was to see that my Spring semester check is in the mail (Praise God!)  Working PT and living on such a small stipend has enabled me to focus and learn how to manage money well.  This extra check simply covers the bigger expenses, and gives me a sense of security.  God is so good that way.  He knew how much that check would help us out, and how much it was assuage my fears over missing a bill or having to live under the belt again.  God is Good -- so very GOOD to me!

On my way home from picking my son up at school, we chatted about his classes, and how he is doing at the community college.  He is struggling a little with time management, and with following directions on assignments.  He got some poor grades today, and felt awful about it.  The reason -- he misread the instructions on the assignment.  This is partly a processing disorder that he has -- he has always struggled with following directions, especially sequential processing, but being home schooled, I made exceptions for him (let him redo assignments, etc.)  He is in the real world of college, and now it is up to him to verify everything.  I suggested he email his professors to verify instructions when he is confused OR ask me to read them to him.  I think the other part was simply his rushing through assignments (something he has done since childhood).  It is partly a gifted thing, and his ability to process information very quickly.  He tends to jump to conclusions, so he has to slow down and verify everything.  Again, check and re-check.  These are life lessons I have had to learn as well because I suffer from the exact same disorder.  I learned late in life that it is better to be slow and accurate, than fast and in error.  He will learn it too, in time.

He is concerned about keeping his scholarship, but I told him not to worry about that at all.  Sure, I want him to get all As and Bs, but I reminded him that he was home schooled NOT to learn how to follow directions, but to think and act in life.  He is great at these things, just not so great at the standardized way education is taught.  He will be successful in life, but might not do well in school.  Yes, this is probably true, and it is OK.  I told him that God would not let him fail out of this scholarship unless he stopped trying his best.  God asks us to work unto Jesus Christ -- to give everything to Him -- and always do our best.  God provided a scholarship for him, and I have no doubts that he will keep it.  He just needs to always do his best, and let God take care of the rest.

It is an interesting thing to think about really because the Lord and I have discussed potential schools for DS.  My son wants to go to a couple that are pretty rigorous and the Lord has said "nope."  I wondered why, and then one day the Lord said, "Carol, DJ needs a certain type of school, one that is non-traditional and less intensive."  I see it now, and I get it.  The Lord knows that while my son is highly gifted, a brilliant musician -- he simply is not an A-scholar (never has been).  He doesn't fit the mold, and he struggles with conformity to standardized tests.  He misses things, he processes fast but often with errors.  He needs a place where he will be allowed to follow his own path, and do work in a way that suits him.  There are colleges out there like this, but they are few and far between.  Many are standardized to such an extent that only the traditional straight-A student succeeds.  Students with learning challenges and other issues often struggle to conform.  My son is this way, so now I see what the Lord is up to with my son's education.  It has to be His choice -- only His choice.  No other school will work for him, and the Lord knows what is best.  I am glad that is the case, and I rest in His knowledge and understanding of the situation.  God is so good that way.  He is so GOOD to us.

As I ponder what schools might work for my son, I am left with this feeling that everything is working together for our GOOD.  The Word promises that this is so, and normally I just accept that verse.  But today, I see that God is really working out the details in our life for our GOOD.  Best or second best is not going to cut it.  It has to be His Best, His Highest Good, and His choice.  Nothing else will meet His needs, and nothing else will satisfy a Perfect LORD.  I am blessed, so blessed to be cared for by a God who only seeks His Best in my life.  I struggle often to accept what He offers to me because I think there must be something better or it doesn't quite make sense to me or it doesn't look like it is best?  Yet, His Best is always BEST. This means that the job of His choosing is Best for us.  The location of the job is also Best for us.  The schools, the shops, the house, etc. are all Best for us.  God has determined what is Best, and resting in that choice is what I plan on doing.  I accept only the Best from God, nothing short, nothing less, nothing but His will and His Good for my life.

May the LORD be praised today for He is So GOOD TO ME.  His Mercy endures forever and He is GOOD.

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