Today has been a very, very interesting day. First off, I have several major praises to record.
Praise No. 1: Yesterday, my son lost his wallet at school. He doesn't always take his wallet with him, but he did thinking he might need money for printing off some assignments. His wallet slipped out of his pocket sometime during the day. When I went to pick him up, he was devastated that he had lost it. He looked back through his classes, and checked with Lost and Found, but no wallets had been turned in. I immediately went to the bank to close out his debit card, but was waiting to make sure no one returned it before heading over to the DMV for a new ID card. Well, today when I picked him up, he was beaming. He had found his wallet, or rather, a custodian had found it and returned it to Lost and Found. Everything, including his cash, was inside. What a great praise for God's providence and care!
Praise No. 2: Secondly, after picking him up today, he said that he had gotten his first essay returned (from his English class). He received an A, and was one of the only students not requiring any tutoring assistance! Praise again to God for his provision of home schooling, and some great writing curriculum (The Elegant Essay by IEW). I was overjoyed because writing is the number one priority for good success in college. You can take good notes, listen attentively, and participate in discussion -- but without solid essay writing skills -- you will not maintain high grades! I am so blessed!!
As we drove away from school, all I could think about was how great God is and how merciful He is to us. I have been blogging now for nearly five years, and in that time, I have witnessed the Grace of God over and over and over again (personally and through others I know). God's hand is upon us, and His provision and care is evident.
Later today, we both went to get our hair trimmed. My son is sporting "Rocker Hair" which fits his rock music interests, and I am wearing a shorter do (from my recent hair cut in January). I have received so many compliments on my new hair style, and have even been told I look 10 years younger (whoo-hoo!) I love the new sporty look, and I love the fact that I am looking more professional and prepared for good work.
I am convinced now that God's plans for our life are good. I have been in such a shambles lately, trying to make sense of what I am to do for work, and linking that up with Graduate school. I have struggled to make it all fit into a nice little box, when in truth, it didn't need to fit at all.
Praise No. 3: Today, after we got home, I logged into Mercy College, and checked my Blackboard posts. I am really enjoying my classes this semester, and think I am doing well in them. I posted two topics, and both were well received by the other students. I am finding more and more opportunity to note the spiritual development of various themes, and I am not ashamed to speak out about them. I certainly do not do it in a harsh or critical way, I am simply presenting another side of the story -- God's side -- and so far my peers and professors seem to like my point of view. God has Graciously provided for me so that I can speak my mind, be my self, and yet excel in my courses. He is so very good to me.
I am now thinking that all of this turmoil has simply been my unwillingness to recognize that God is at work, and that the work I am doing now IS my ministry. I am going to graduate school for His work, not to get a better job. All along the Lord has said to me -- "Carol, Graduate School is for my work, and not yours. It will benefit you in your job, but this is not the purpose of it." I said I understood that truth, but somehow I got sidetracked into thinking it was all about me and my career. Oh drats! I fell prey to Satan's lie, and I put myself and my career desires on Heaven's throne.
God has made this way for me, He has provided schooling and financial help so I can achieve this goal. This is His work, not mine. I am part of the process in that it is up to me to do the assigned tasks, but the Glory is God's alone, and it is for Him and His Name and Work. I know this, I have known this, and now I have been reminded of it once again.
My job hunt has been about many things, and I cried out to the Lord today to demand why it is taking so long for a job, any job to come to pass. I was being prideful and stubborn, and I wanted it to be my way, and I wanted it that way NOW. Of course, I was humbled, and of course, I am humbled now. God is providing a good job to me. It is not a career, it is just a job. It serves it's purpose, and it will provide good practical work for me and my son. My career, if you can call it such, is to do the Will of the Father, to go where He sends me and do the WORK He has prepared for me to do. This is my career. The JOB is a means to an end -- a practical solution to the necessities of life. I get it now. I understand. I was trying to make it into something it wasn't, and I was trying to make my schooling into something it wasn't meant to be. I was all mixed up, and I was getting nowhere fast. I was stuck, and I was not moving forward at all.
I sit here now and type this out, and I am giving God all the Praise. I know that there will be a JOB for me. I know that I will have some good work very soon. Furthermore, I know that my schooling is to be for His Name and His Glory, and therefore, it is not something I can do. I apply myself, I read and I study. God does the rest. He helps me to write papers that work, that achieve the necessary result. He has this all planned and purposed. I am simply following after Him, waiting on Him, and resting in His provision. God is so very Good to me.