I struggle with change, even though I consider myself to be a flexible person. I try very hard to "go with the flow" whenever possible, but deep inside I have to be honest -- I don't like change. I really do not like having to change my views, my ways, or my thinking -- and I really do not like to have to alter my attitude or behavior to suit individuals, supervisors or the corporation where I work. I guess the older I get, the more I struggle to accomodate requests that I deem as unreasonable or without merit or value. It is getting harder for me to adapt to the corporate mentality that says it is OK to be less than your best or that it is OK to play the game (and not really mean what you say).
Right now, I am in the midst of change at my workplace. Nothing Earth shattering -- just a new manager to take over my team. I liked my old manager, and I thought he was a nice guy. He made our group fun, and always liked a good laugh. He has not been himself since the turn of the New Year, and last week, we all found out why. He has taken another position within our company, and will be leaving us in the next week or so. I don't mind -- it is important for everyone to be able to move on or up. I guess I just am anticipating change, and well, that just puts me off my game.
In addition to the change in supervisor, I am struggling to deal with some injustice and issues within the company -- corporate policy vs. corporate behavior. My integrity is at stake, and I have already been called a "liar" once. Nothing came of my complaint, and even when I received an apology, the very next day, the "official story" was declared ut factum est (as it was) before the apology. In essence, to save face, I was told "sorry we made a mistake," but the official record shows that I was in error.
I complained, I argued strongly on integrity grounds, but my intentions served only to mark me as a "trouble maker." I don't mean to be a trouble maker -- and I will bend most times -- except for lying, which I detest. So today, the same thing happened again, and after uttering a complaint to my old boss (still my boss until next week), I realized that nothing was going to happen, and that if I persisted, I would be known more readily as a "difficult" person.
It is weird really -- and I am not sure what to do about it. I know that the Lord is my vindicator, and that in this life, we often will be accused and marked as being in error, even when we are not. It is part of the persecution and suffering of our Lord that is demonstrated through our lives. It is conformation to His Suffering, and it brings Him Glory. I know this, yet I still do not like it.
Today, after meeting our new manager, I am left wondering about my role in the organization. I am not concerned about losing my job or anything like that, it is more a feeling that things are about to change, and I am not really going to like the "new way" of doing things. I am set to do my best, to attempt to tow the line, etc. The truth be told, I don't really like towing anyone's line but the Lord's, and that leaves me in a sticky position. I need to keep my head down, and in gear, and I need to focus on doing good work each day. I have no knowlege of how my new manager will conduct the daily business, so I have to be prepared for the worst, hope for the best, KWIM?
Any way, this leaves me in this tight spot now -- not really knowing what to expect, but expecting change nonetheless. It is OK, since my God is in control and no one has authority over HIM. He is Soveriegn, and I am in good hands (like the Allstate jingle). I am in very GOOD hands, this is for certain.
Tomorrow is another day, and hopefully, it will go well. I am happy to have a job, and I plan on doing my best, praying for God's rest, and trusting for His Over-Shepherding so that I can remain safely employed. God is so very GOOD to me. God is so very GOOD all the time.