April 29, 2012

Resting and Trusting

I am counting down the days until I will be officially graduated from Mercy College, Dobbs Ferry, NY. I have to say that I have really enjoyed my experience as a Maverick. I am feeling sad that I will no longer be a graduate student enrolled there, and I wish now, that I had more classes to do! I know, I know -- gimme a break, Carol! All you do is complain about your homework, assignments and papers!! Yes, this is so true!! But now that I feel more updated, and more in control of my school work, I see that I have taken A LOT of time to rest and that means that I wasted time when I could have been staying active this semester. It has all worked out, and will all work out -- but still -- I do feel as though I should have been more involved in my course.

God knew that I needed this down time, especially coming off of the wild January I had, where I had to spend three weekends in a row (3-days mind you), cleaning the old house out for auction. I was literally exhausted, and I didn't want to do anything else. Then I had two very big months at work, where I enrolled 10-12 students. The amount of work involved in getting these students enrolled took its toll as well, and I ended up getting sick.

It has been a struggle since then just to keep my head above water. But now, I am feeling better. I have taken four vacation days so far, and will take two more before the end of May. In all, this has given me three weeks of 3-day weekends, and with two more of the same, I should be feeling fit and ready to start new adventures.

My Chronic Fatigue seems to be lifting, and that is a real blessing. It has complicated matters, as has some additional stress at work. Now, though, I feel better, and while I am not 100% yet, nor am I really as strong as I would like to be, I do feel as though I can work again. The Lord has been very gracious and kind to me. He has shown me that with proper physical rest, I will get well. He has also shown me that much of the inner turmoil I feel is due to spiritual unrest. This is my own fault, and it stems from not trusting the Lord to provide -- to oversee my needs. Yes, He is right, always right. I have not trusted Him as my Lord and Provider. I have chosen to focus on my own abilities, and in doing so, all I have seen is my own weakness. However, when I look towards His Ability, then I see the strong and mighty hand of the Lord. There is nothing He cannot do, and all things are possible for Him (Luke 1:34). I know this, yet in my human frailty and weakness, I still choose to look down instead of UP.

God be praised forever more, may I always LOOK UP. There is hope, and a good future only when you Look Up and Wait Upon the Lord. I need to remind myself of this encouraging word, and then I will remain steady and steadfast -- I will remain faithful, and I will look to Him for His Provision.

God is so very good to me, and His Mercy endures forever. Amen, so be it, thy will be done.

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