I did some googling today to see what options are open for me regarding a new computer. I was pretty set on getting a PC, either an HP or a Dell; but now, I am rethinking these options. My main need for a computer is to watch Netflix at home, and to do my school work when I have time in the evenings. I don't antiticipate needing anything spectacular, just normal browsing, email, and things of this sort.
I would really like to get an Apple computer, but the sticker price is not sitting well. I know I can get a decent PC for about $500, and the cheapest Apple, the MacMini will cost me about that without any add-ons. I am stuck right now because truthfully I don't care for Windows (never had), and I am really not wanting to go with Windows 7 (potentially 8 and all the bugs that go along with a WIN system).
I wish I didn't worry so much about spending the money, KWIM?
Will I ever get to the point where I can live my life without worrying about the money? I don't know. I wish I could think that some day, some day when I have "enough," I can rest and be secure and know that I won't run out, my account won't be overdrawn, and I can buy whatever I need without second-guessing every decision, every purchase. Oh, how difficult it is to live this way! I don't want to live this way anymore!!
I know that my Father in Heaven is greater than my money fears. I know that I am this way due to years of living so close to poverty, and always being "without" that the thought of living any other way is completely foreign to me. I know that my God is bigger, and that His Name is Secure -- His Name is Provision (Jehovah-Jireh). My God is my security and my provision, yet I doubt His Name. I doubt what He says, and the very fact that His Character is testimony to who He IS, to what He can DO, and to the power of His Abilities.
Why can I not believe? Why do I feel this way?
I cry out to you today to ask you for your Grace so that I can believe your WORD to me. I rest in your Name, and in the Provision you have given to me. I know you are able to do all that you have promised to me. May God be praised today and forever more! Amen, so be it, thy will be done. Selah!