June 24, 2012

Pacing Myself and Making the Commitment to Leave Work

Today was a great day! Church this morning was wonderful, and my afternoon restful and filled with peace. My evening has been good as well, and now I am getting ready for bed. Tomorrow will be here much too soon, so I am getting ready for a good nights sleep just as soon as I finish this post.

Our Pastor taught on Spiritual Gifts today, and while I am familiar with how the Holy Spirit manifests Himself in my life, I still found the message refreshingly new and interesting. You see, I have been struggling at my job for the past six months. I have been dissatisfied with the work itself, and I have come to resent having to do the tasks associated with my position as an Enrollment Advisor. Although I am deeply grateful to the Lord for His Provision of this job, I feel that I am working against the natural and spiritual grain of the fabric of my life. In short, I feel that the job goes against the grain of who I am as a person, and that the longer I remain in this work, the more depressed, and ineffectual I become. In fact, my numbers at work (my student registrations, etc.) have consistently dropped off since January, and no matter how much I apply myself to the work, I am not able to bring them back up to where the company expects that they should be.

I blamed myself. I blamed my inability to master the SSP Process at work (our training program). I blamed my graduate studies and the intense focus I had for completing my degree. I also blamed the loss of my home (in January), and the resultant stress. Now, however, I clearly see that I am somewhere I do not belong. I don't fit the role, and the longer I tarry here, the more miserable I become.

So with this new found understanding, I realize that I don't need a job. I need to be in a job that suits my spiritual giftings, and that is aligned with God's will for my life. It is pretty simple when you think about it. If you are working in a job that is not suited to your personality, you must either adapt (change your personality) or find a different position that fits better. In my case, my spiritual gifts are in Administration, Tongues, Leadership, Apostleship,  and to a lesser extent teaching/preaching. My greatest ability (natural combined with spiritual) is in organization. I am efficient, and I am effective in administrative roles. Now my job is mostly administrative, so that part is a good fit. However, the bulk of my work is in communication and this is not my strong suit. I can write, but I cannot speak well. I don't enjoy it, and I struggle to be able to effectively communicate on the phone. I can do it, but it is not what I enjoy nor is it what I do best.

I see myself as a leader, and I am able to organize and run a business well. I can be successful, and I can be an efficient and good manager. However, I do not fit in the corporate structure because I don't have management experience, and to get it requires a lot of years of practice. I can run my own business, and be successful at it. I need some help to get started, but generally speaking, I know what to do and how to do it. I just need to do it, kwim?

As I considered my role, and what God has in mind for me, I realized that I was most happy when I was working for myself. Though I didn't like certain aspects of that business, I know now that this can be different once I am fully in charge of the program. I can lead, I can administrate, and I can run a business so long as I am the one calling the shots. So this is my plan, and with the Lord's help and blessing, I intend to become a business owner. My timeline is now. I am ready, and I am willing. I am waiting on the Lord to do it, and I know that I can be effective so long as He is the One behind every aspect of the business.

With this decision in the bag, I am ready to walk away from my job at UOPX. I need to remain for a short while until I have everything in order, but then I will walk away, and thank my coworkers for their friendship and help over the past year. I want to do this now, but I know that I need another pay check, and that I have to get some key items in order first.

Dear Lord,

I am ready to do this work. I want to do it right. I want to be successful, and to have a good life. I am trusting you to provide for me, and to help me set up a business that will be prosperous and will bring you Glory. I ask now that you do this for me, and through me. I wait upon you, and I look to your hand of Provision. In Jesus Name, I pray this...Amen.

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