August 18, 2012

Refining the Plans for the Future

Ok, now it is time to get cracking! I don't know where that phrase came from, but I know what it means. I am to get into gear, to get moving, to stop sitting around doing nothing, and to start being active again. I have made some active plans, and I have been working on producing some new results -- but the emphasis on my job at UOPX, my dissatisfaction with the tasks, and the lack of promotion have all played a role in my feelings of depression -- which have in turn stifled any desire to move. I have known for a while that I needed to go, to get myself going, and yet I haven't gone anywhere at all. I have remained where I was at, firmly entrenched, and unwilling to let go so I could be moved to a new place, a new position, and new door of opportunity.

I hate the fact that I am stuck, that I am sitting here now because I chose to sit down and not get up and get moving when the Lord told me to "go." Yes, I have done it again. I have sat down instead of walking on ahead. I have not done what I was asked to do, and as a result, I have suffered through unending and unyielding days of boredom and confusion. Drats! Oh, human flesh why have you failed me once again!! Don't answer -- I know the answer already and the point is mute. It is what it is, eh?

As I contemplate my day, I begin to think about all the places the Lord has told me to "go to" and the reasons why I haven't actually gone anywhere. Of these reasons, here are the top three:
  • FEAR
In thinking upon these reasons, I must conclude that I am:

1. Afraid of what is unknown. I am unwilling to go because I am afraid of losing what I currently possess, and not gaining what I hope to get in the future.

2. Failure hangs over me, with thoughts of doubt that remind me of the fact that I have failed to do what was asked before, so therefore I will fail to do what is asked in the future.

3. Misguidance whether by friend or foe has often clouded my judgment and made me choose options that were not in my best interest. Regardless of the intention (for good or bad), I have listened to the counsel of others, and rejected the counsel of the Lord. I have been confused because I have allowed others to persuade me to do things that sounded "good," but were not aligned with the Lord's expressed will for my life.

Combating these feelings is easy. You either listen to them or you reject them. I chose the former, and I am struggling with the consequences of that choice.

Ok, so let's combat these feelings now, so that we can get up and get moving forward again.

First, I am no longer afraid of what lays ahead of me. I don't have to hold on to what I have since what I have has been given to me by the Lord. His Word tells us that our Father knows our needs, and that He will provide food and clothing for us. He will take care of us, and He will provide for our daily needs.

Second, failure is just doubt. It is believing a lie that says you are not able to do what is asked of you because you lack X. However, with God's Grace, we know that all things are possible. We know that His Grace is sufficient for every need, every task, and every job given to us.

Lastly, listening to the counsel of others is a good thing so long as we do not take the word of human beings over the Word of the Lord. We must always seek Him first, seek His kingdom first, and then sort out the human offerings to see whether they line up or fall by the way side.

I know and understand my feelings well. I blog about them daily (almost), and I think intently upon my life regularly. I know myself. I know what I can and cannot do. Likewise the Lord says to me, "Carol, I know you. I know what you can and cannot do. Trust me." Yes, Lord, may I always trust you. May I look to you, and listen to your counsel. If I will follow you, you will lead me straightway to the job opportunity of your choosing. You will guide me along the path you have chosen for me, and it will go well with me. You know my past, my present and my future. You know me, and I trust you Lord!

Update September 10, 2012:

Today is a good day. I turned in my notice at UOPX, and Friday will be my last day as an Online Enrollment Advisor. I will start my new position as Communications Analyst for CVS/Caremark on Monday, September 17, 2012. God is so very Good to me.

Since I wrote this post, I have had to struggle through trusting the Lord for His Guidance on everything. I received notice of interest in a position with CVS/Caremark, completed a round of interviews, was offered employment -- all within two weeks near the end of August. The screenings and background checks, etc. prolonged the transition from one employer to another, and the WAITING was difficult and led to worry and doubt and anxiety over my future. During this time, I worried about being let go at my current job (recent changes to the culture), worried over money and how I would pay bills in the transition (can I really leave what I know for what I don't know?), and then worried about what would happen when I finally gave my notice (would I get let go immediately or could I work a notice and get a week's extra pay?).

Throughout the past couple weeks, the Lord has reminded me of His Faithfulness, and He has given me Assurance of His Will. I trusted Him, but I didn't rely on Him. I struggled, I was obsessed with worry, and I suffered pain and nausea over the stress caused by waiting, and the BIG UNKNOWN.

Today, once I gave my notice, it was as if the WEIGHT of the world lifted off of me, and I realized that everything has turned out exactly as God said it would turn out. My notice was graciously accepted, I will work out a notice (hence more pay), and I will transition smoothly from one job to the next. Everything is GOOD. God has provided everything I need to move from UOPX to CVS/Caremark. God is so very GOOD to me.

Lesson learned. Trust the Lord. Remain Faithful. Rest, and Know that He is God.

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