April 25, 2013

Confusion Abounds

Yeah, I am confused. I am not feeling well today, so I am at home taking a sick day. I was hoping I would feel better after resting some this morning, and giving myself time to decompress and to recoup. Unfortunately, while I am feeling a little better physically, I feel out of sorts mentally and spiritually. I am confused, and I feel like I am spinning around.

Yesterday was supposed to be a good day for me. The Lord had said "Today will be a good day," but instead it was a difficult day, a weird day, and a day filled with a lot of uncertainty. In truth, it was a good day. I got a lot of important work done, and I am almost caught up with my backlog of tasks from our 1/1 Welcome Season. Almost all my privacy cases are closed, and there are just a few odds and ends that need wrapped up before I am officially out of those projects. In all - I am in a very good place at work, and my workload is manageable, and I am not feeling so overwhelmed and overloaded. It is a very good thing.

Still in my heart, I am struggling. I am trying to figure it all out and to feel confident in the way I am going/heading. I mean, I have given my notice to my landlord, and I am making my way to my new home -- living with my parents so I can be more accessible to them as they enter their 8th decade. It is tough for me to give up my home, and while I felt previously that it was the right thing to do, I am starting now to doubt that decision.

Not a day goes by that I don't say "Lord, this is not going to work." Usually it is in reference to one of my cats (or both) who have done something so "cat like." My parents have not been around cats for thirty years, and while they like them, they have not had the pleasure of living with them for a very long time. My cats are good, but they are CATS. I mean, they are well behaved and they are generally mellow, but they are still cats, and like all cats, they get into things, jump on things, meow about things, and generally speaking, act like cats.

I love my boys, and this was my stipulation with my parents -- the cats have to come with me. They said yes, of course, but I keep thinking about their beautiful home, their beautiful things -- and well -- my cats and beautiful things don't really go together.

My home is comfortable, but my furniture is old. I have slipcovers on my sofa and chair, and I don't mind the fur balls, and hair balls, and other smelly aspects of pet ownership. I deal with it, and I have always put up with whatever my pets gave to me. After all, they were my pets, and I loved them.

I am panic-stricken over what my cats MIGHT do to my parents furniture. I am worried about the cat smell (even though I keep a very clean box - it still smells). I worry about the clawing of the furniture, and the general messiness of having two very rambunctious cats.

Yes, I know -- I am worried over nothing. I am worrying about tomorrow when tomorrow has enough worry all on it's own. Drats.

"So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today." Matthew 6:34 NLT

I need a reminder that my God has me covered, that I am safely and securely kept in the power of His Mighty hand. He is Good all the time, and all the time -- HE IS GOOD.

Psalm 95

1 Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord;
    let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation.
2 Let us come before him with thanksgiving
    and extol him with music and song.

3 For the Lord is the great God,
    the great King above all gods.
4 In his hand are the depths of the earth,
    and the mountain peaks belong to him.
5 The sea is his, for he made it,
    and his hands formed the dry land.

6 Come, let us bow down in worship,
    let us kneel before the Lord our Maker;
7 for he is our God
    and we are the people of his pasture,
    the flock under his care.

Today, if only you would hear his voice,
8 “Do not harden your hearts as you did at Meribah,
    as you did that day at Massah in the wilderness,
9 where your ancestors tested me;
    they tried me, though they had seen what I did.
10 For forty years I was angry with that generation;
    I said, ‘They are a people whose hearts go astray,
    and they have not known my ways.’
11 So I declared on oath in my anger,
    ‘They shall never enter my rest.’”

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