April 28, 2013

Good Sunday Morning to you all! It is a beautiful day to praise the Lord and to enter His gates with thanksgiving. This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it!

It is weird how Sunday marks both the beginning and end of the week. In traditional Christian teaching, Sunday is the first day of each week. However, most people would agree that Sunday marks the end of the week because Monday is always the first day of the "work week."

I am glad that today is Sunday, and I have plans to enjoy this day. After church, I am going over to Grand Canyon University to have lunch with my nephew. He is finishing up his first year at the school, and will be heading home to California on Wednesday. He has some extra food coupons that will go to waste so he invited me, his cousin (my son), and his grandparents (my parents) to drive over and have lunch with him. He is also going to give us a tour of the grounds. It should be a lovely afternoon visit.

Later in the day, I have some business to attend to, considering the fact that I was told on Friday that I would need to go to St. Louis this week. I will have to be in St. Louis for two full days (leaving Wed. and coming back on Fri.). This is a needed trip, and I was the only person who was able to go this week. I have to plan for the week, take care of some personal items, so that I can leave on Wednesday.

My courses at Regent start next Monday, and I still don't have all my books yet. They are on order, and I am expecting them any day now. I also need to get prepared to move -- something of which I have done nothing toward -- since I made the decision and gave my notice on April 1st! The days are dwindling down to my summer session in VA Beach, and I haven't made my travel arrangements yet. Everything is crashing down on me, and I am going on a business trip right in the middle of it all! Ugh!

Just some ramblings this morning - I know the Lord has me well covered - yet I still worry and fret over all these details.

Who among you fears the LORD and obeys his servant? If you are walking in darkness, without a ray of light, trust in the LORD and rely on your God. Isaiah 50:10 NLT

"Those that make the world their comfort, and their own righteousness their confidence, will certainly meet with bitterness in the end. A godly man's way may be dark, but his end shall be peace and everlasting light. A wicked man's way may be pleasant, but his end and abode for ever will be utter darkness." ~ Mathew Henry

As I was sitting here thinking about Trust, and the fact that I struggle so with it - this thought percolated up in my head:

Perhaps the reason I do not trust the Lord is out of habit, rather than out of a genuine fear?

Oh my, words of wisdom coming out of my sleep-sogged brain this morning. Yes, this is more than likely true for me. I struggled with trusting the Lord early on in my new walk because of issues in my personal life. Having grown up in such a way made it difficult for me to trust people. I didn't readily trust anyone as a child, and then later in life, once I had been hurt emotionally, I didn't want to trust people who would potentially hurt me or who had hurt me previously.

I had trust issues. I was unable to trust people in my family, and people in my business. I simply didn't trust because I had been hurt so many times that the natural outcome of trust equaled pain and disappointment.

All that changed, of course, after I met the Lord again. The very first thing He did was heal my broken heart, and teach me how to trust. He gave me reasons to trust, and He helped me understand the nature of my hurt and the anger that resulted from it. I learned to trust Him first, and then by extension, trust others. It has not been an easy road of recovery, but I have made great strides. I no longer fear relationships, and I have forgiven many people who hurt me (from years and years ago). I let go of the pain attached to that old hurt, and in forgiving them, I set myself free. It has liberated my life, and cleared my head and heart. It was a very good thing to do.

Yet, all these years later, I still don't trust the Lord. I do and I don't - to be fair about it. I believe His word to me, but I often question what He is saying for fear that I will get it wrong or misunderstand what He is telling me to do. I shouldn't do it, but I do it anyway.

Considering the revelation I had this morning - or perhaps it was an epiphany? Oh well, let's just say I came to the conclusion that I don't trust the Lord because of a habit I developed, and any habit is open-season for the breaking.

Dear Lord -

I am ready to break this bad habit. I realize now that I have learned how to trust and rely upon you, and that I know the difference between trusting and not trusting you. I have come to expect truth from you, so my reaction of not trusting your word is simply a habit that needs to be broken. I ask now in the name of Jesus to break this habit today. I confess it to you, and I trust in your Name knowing that this habit has been broken, and that I walk in freedom and in the knowledge that you are healer and ruler of all things - Lord over my life this day. May your Name be praised forever more, Selah!

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