OK, so it has been less than one day and God has already done something marvelous for me. This morning, I posted about my trial and how hard pressed I felt, almost hemmed in on every side. I was lost, clueless, and feeling so overwhelmed with my circumstances. Work was and is a struggle. I am in the midst of crisis, and I am feeling micromanaged on a daily basis. I cried out to the Lord, begging for his help and for a way out. Instead, God gave me the endurance to see this through and to stay focused on my most critical task at hand: finishing my research proposal for my Com 700 class.
I am reminded of that song by Plumb "Need You Now" where she cries out to God for His help, and find that He has given her the strength to keep on breathing. I feel this way now:
I was at this point today. I cried out to the Lord, and told him that I needed him now. I couldn't deal with my boss, my job, my paper, my classes, my future, my responsibilities. It was all too much, too heavy, and I was sinking lower and lower. God rescued me. He gave me strength to see the day through, to complete my paper, to focus and do what needed to be done. Moreover, He covered me as I went to the dentist. I had a toothache, and it has been getting worse each day. I have not been to the dentist in over 15 years - and I was afraid of the cost, the work, etc. God blessed me, and gave me the grace to be calm as the dentist did what he needed to do. I have a lot of work that needs to be done, but I know that my insurance will cover all but 25% of the cost, and that it will take about five-six visits to have everything completed.
I also realized that God's plans for my life are non-negotiable. I made a covenant with him a long time ago, and that covenant was to do his will, to follow after him, and to trust him. He would provide for me, He would be my shelter and refuge. I would be his servant. The deal was made at the Cross of Jesus, and I pledged to follow him, to obey his word, and to do his will. I cannot have my own way anymore. I cannot go my own way. I have to go his way. I have to follow his lead.
My paper is 95% complete. I have to write a summary and do spell-checking, but it is done. I am pleased. It was such a trial for me to write it, but it is done. I hope it is acceptable to my professor, and I hope I do get a good grade on it. I tried my best, and for the first time ever writing a social-science paper, it is pretty good. I know I can do better, and I will do better. I know that I need practice, and I will get all that practice through this program.
I also applied for more positions as an advisor. I believe God is calling me to Regent to work, but I don't know how that will come to pass. I put in my application, and I sent a letter to their HR person. We will see what comes of it, but at the least, I feel that I did what God wanted me to do.
I give Him praise today, and I worship Him and I live for Him. I can do nothing at all, nothing acceptable to Him. I am emptied out and He is filling me up, doing his will, and living his life through me. I am emptied. He is filled. We are together working as one united in purpose and in focus and in determination. He receives the praise and honor. He receives the glory. I give it all to him now, and I thank him for his goodness toward me this day. Amen, so be it, thy will be done! Selah! Pause and calmly think about it!