June 26, 2013

Difficult, but Forging Ahead

Yesterday was a really bad day (well, in truth, let's say it was a not-so-pleasant day). My work environment has gotten toxic, and yesterday was my first day back in to the office. I called in sick on Monday, so Tuesday, I was aware that there might be outfall from the previous week. We have a bi-weekly meeting with the team in Scottsdale, and I figured that this would be the forum for the manager to use to scold us all on our bad attitudes and her expectations for compliance. Granted, some of us do have a bad attitude, but generally speaking, most of us are just very frustrated over the lack of empathy and sincere trust that seems to be prevalent in the company.

The day started off so-so, but around 10:30 and the meeting, it had really gotten the better of me. I was upset, for a number of reasons, but I am not normally this upset. I do not explode unless something really bugs me. My boss chose to bug me at the meeting. I didn't want to discuss something during the meeting because it had nothing to do with the team. I said so, but she pushed, and pushed. I exploded and told her that it was something we didn't need to discuss in the group. I was told I had a bad attitude.

I left the building, took an early lunch, and simmered the hour before returning and trying to regain my composure. It was hard to do because I knew that my afternoon was not going to be busy, and that I would have to be deal with the issue at hand.

Sure enough, around 3:30 my boss calls me in to discuss the issue and my attitude. I tried so hard to keep my cool, but I am not good at it when pushed. She told me my attitude was bad (in not so many words), and that she was trying to help me. She pretty much blamed me for not telling her my concerns - so in short - the whole mess was my fault. I don't get it really - how can something out of my control be my fault. My manager is to blame, and she refuses to take responsibility. I listened to her go on and on and on about how she has done everything possible to make things better, and justify her actions with other team members. I thought she was delusional - not understanding how her words, her actions, and her non-verbal behavior created the entire problem.


I left work, came home -- still steaming. I needed to focus on my paper that is due today (well, my professor says today or Friday). I ended up doing nothing but going to bed. I slept the entire night, in my clothes, on top of the bed (I fell asleep that way and didn't wake up until 7:00 this morning).

I am panicked over my courses at Regent. I am frustrated at my work situation. I am doubtful of a new job on the horizon anytime soon. I see no way out. I cannot work in this job and do my classes at Regent. I have a major conflict and I don't see any way out.

I have prayed for an open door, but no door is opening. I know the Word says that there will be an open door, but why not for me...

The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure. 1st Corinthians 10:13 NLT

Lord, please open a door - let me escape from the micromanagement and controlling behavior of this one person...

I applied for several adviser positions at local colleges yesterday. I am miserable, and the stress is unending. I have a major paper due, and I cannot focus because all I think about is my job, and the micromangement and harassment that goes on each day. I need a way out...

Praying today for an open door - please Lord, please provide a way out today.

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