I have overcome obstacles and fear this week. I have triumphed and I feel relieved. Let me explain...
This week I had this crushing feeling like I was out of step and place at GCU. I admit that I wasn't feeling very good about my decision to go there and teach, and I was frustrated with the way the organization runs. By the time class was over yesterday, I was ready to throw in the towel. I even applied for a data analyst position -- just to see if I could find another opportunity for work. I had decided that I was done with teaching, that I didn't like it, and that it was a waste of my time. I wanted nothing to do with it, and I wanted out of my contract to teach at GCU.
After coming to terms with where I am, I made the good decision to "look up." I had been looking down, down at my feet, at my hands, at all that I could do -- and I kept coming up short. I kept seeing all the negative empty hopes, and I felt that I was out of my depth, and I was in the wrong place.
Then just as I was at my lowest point, I looked up right into Jesus face, and I found HOPE. Of course, He is our source of HOPE. His hope is always available to us, but only if we look up to see it. HOPE is within Jesus, and it is found in no other place. Therefore, when you need hope you just have to look up to the Lord so that you can be renewed and refreshed by it.
I looked up and suddenly everything seemed OK. Nothing has changed, but my outlook went from "this is impossible and I cannot take this" to "this is doable, and I can see how to do it now." God is GOOD that way. He shows us how we can do things right when we think we cannot. I am blessed, and I am so grateful to the Lord for His guidance and provision. He is GOOD, so very GOOD all the time.
New Outlook Springs Opportunity
As I considered this new outlook, I started to have a better attitude about the work I am doing. It is not perfect by any means, and there is a HUGE downside (no pay), but overall it is OK work. I can do it, and I am not stressed by it (PTL!)
Then just when I thought this was enough, I had a brief encounter with someone who encouraged me. I met with a nice man who needs my help grading papers. His approach and attitude was so laid back. He was calm and accepting of my limitations. He was genuinely nice. And as we chatted, he gave me positive encouragement that there are multiple teaching opportunities out there (from the CC to our state university). I immediately felt this sense of "I can see that - I can do that." I left for the day thinking that truly all things are possible with God.
Now I sit here thinking about other options for my life and career. I am thinking that my life is not GCU. GCU is a stepping stone for other work that will be far more fulfilling. For now, it is good. For now, it suits the need. But it is not the end of the road for me, it is just the beginning. I am blessed, I am good, and I am loved. He loves me so much, and He is faithful and GOOD all the time!