September 5, 2013

Check-in

It is Thursday, and I have been following a low-carb eating plan for the past few days (since 9/1). I have lost water weight, about 7 lbs of it, and I am in Ketosis (my brain is buring fat instead of sugar for energy). Hopefully, I will start losing those pounds of stored fat very soon.

In addition to losing water, I am feeling depleted. I have a massive attack of seasonal allergies, and I feel weak and lethargic. I am also sweating like if I had a fever. I read online that there is a Ketosis flu that comes on about 48 hours after your body enters in Ketosis, and it has similar symptoms to a seasonal flu virus. I have had a stuffy head/ears, scratchy throat, and dry cough. I have also had muscle weakness and excessive fatigue. I am treating these symptoms with OTC meds, drinking extra water, and rest. My hope is that whatever is causing this sicky feeling will go away soon. It is hard to focus on my job as an IA and keep up with my school work at Regent.

It is a New Day

I had a somewhat restful nights sleep. However, I woke up from very bad dream that left me feeling restless and unsure. It was one of those terrifying dreams where your life is in danger, and you survive, but have to struggle through the aftermath. In some ways, this is how I feel now. I have made such a massive change to my life -- leaving a good job, good paycheck, good insurance -- for the opportunity to teach at a University (low pay, no insurance). It has been a struggle to comprehend this change, and while I see the potential outcome -- a full time teaching position -- right now I am in the midst of stress that is requiring me to place my faith in God, and rest in His sufficiency.

I think what started this downward spiral was some browsing on the Internet last night. I need to buy a used car for my son -- something in good condition, with miles left, and good on gas -- but not too expensive for my budget. I found a car at a used car dealer, emailed them about it, but haven't heard back yet. I then asked for a quote on insurance for my son. To carry basic insurance (state mandated), he will need to pay $116 per month. If I wanted him to have comprehensive insurance, then his rate goes up to $187. I may get a discount as a family, but just thinking about the cost of car insurance for him, sent me into a depressive anxiety attack. I cried out to the Lord -- "Lord, I don't have enough money to do this now. I cannot buy him a car."

I know my son needs a car. I have promised him a car. I have the money set aside for a car, but the insurance costs are sky-high. He is working part-time at church, and will be making enough money to pay his insurance. I had hoped he would not have to spend as much so that he could save more money for college-related expenses. Sigh.

Now I am wondering what else is going to happen to me. I mean is there more fall out from my decision to take this job to learn how to teach?

As I sit here today, I am thankful for God's provision of this job opportunity. It is not perfect by any means. It is a good opportunity, and I am blessed to have it. I am worried about the future, about my parents health and welfare, about my health (when I have to get insurance in January because of Obamacare). I know that God has a good plan for my life, and I am resting in His will and His provision. He is able to provide for me; I know this is true. I believe that this is true.

Thinking about today and what God has planned for me makes me start to question whether I am doing all that I can to work toward His will. Am I off the mark in any area? Am I walking on the right path?

God has given me direction -- what I believe is direction -- and I will trust what I know to be true. I believe He IS, and that He is more than able to take care of my needs this day.

It is a new day, another day, a good day. God has made a way, and until He tells me otherwise, I will stay the course, and finish this race. God is good to me. He is so very good to me.

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