March 5, 2014
It's Wednesday, or Hump Day (the middle of the week). I am exhausted. I spent 20 hours working on my family communication paper and I have serious doubts whether I did it correctly. I chose to rewrite a proposal on Church communication, which technically is OK. I didn't focus on digital media, per se, but I did include it. I looked more at family communication and studied how the family of God communicates. My professor said to pick something that matter to us, a topic we were passionate about, so I picked a topic that resonated with my heart and with I believe, God's heart. I prayed for inspiration and guidance, and the Lord wrote through me. I cannot tell you how it happened, but I sat down yesterday and for 10 hours, I wrote a paper. I didn't think about the words or what I was trying to say. I just wrote content. A couple times, I questioned the process. I cried out to the Lord saying, "Lord, this doesn't make sense to me." Then I would re-read it, sections at a time, and I thought, "This is brilliant." Of course, I am not tooting my own horn because what I thought was garbage, and I mean garbage, didn't read that way at all. It read wonderfully well. I confessed my sin -- my doubt in the Lord's provision, and in His ability to write through me, and He graciously allowed me to finish the paper. I still have to write the introduction and the conclusion before I turn it in today. I am hesitant to do so because I just looked at my colleagues papers -- they chose topics like Social Media, Texting, Spousal Communication. My topic is definitely deep, and it is spiritually connected. I hope my colleagues recognize it as being acceptable, and I pray my Professor accepts the work. I am panicked that I did it wrong (considering the fact that I didn't do it at all, but that the Lord did it through me). I guess I need to let this go, and let God take the credit and the glory.
I am struggling today because of doubt. I believe the Lord. I trust the Lord. I am overwhelmed, and I think exhausted and as such I am unable to focus or think straight. I need His help today. I need Him to lift me up, to carry me through, and to enable me to stand up. I am so tired of school, of work, and of life. This doctoral program is the hardest thing I have ever done. It literally rips the energy and stamina out of me. It is night-day-night-day without a break and the amount of mental energy needed to process the readings, critical analyze and write content, is unbelievable. My brain is tired all the time. I need rest. I need rest. I need rest.
I know that you have me well covered. Your Word tells me this is true. I am undone. Woe, is me! I need you to take care of everything concerning me this day. I need you to finish my paper. I need you to cover me with blessing, and to give me favor with colleagues and professors so that I can be freed from this work. I am tired, Lord, so very tired. Lift me up now, and enfold me in your Grace. It is sufficient, and you are able to do everything I cannot do. I trust you, Lord. I let this go, my fears, my doubts, and my insecurities, and I let this go. I ask now in the Name of Jesus for your covering over me, to bless me with focus and fortitude so that I can finish this assignment, move on to the next, and keep on keeping on. I need you, Lord. I need you now!