March 11, 2014
Resting in the Lord
I struggle with this so much. He knows me well. He knows that I am difficult, a controller, and someone who struggles to trust and to let go. He knows that I desire for Him to guide me, to shepherd me, and to be my leader. I want Him to do this, yet I strain against the bit, trying ever so hard to pull us toward the direction that I think we need to go in. It frustrates me more than I think it frustrates Him. He is able to take it all in stride because He knows that He is in control, ultimately, and that my life will go His way. We may sit a while so as to allow me the time to come around to his point of view. We may tarry due to my stubbornness, but eventually we will move again, and we will head His way.
Oh Lord, why am I so obstinate? Why do I contend with you, struggle against your will and your way? I say that I want to follow you, to seek your will, to obey your Word, and yet I still attempt to get my own way. I know that it is my flesh that desires my own way. It is my flesh that seeks its own good, its own comfort, its own supremacy.
I know you well. I know you love me. I know you care for me. I know you provide for me. You sustain me, keep me, and you make me to be at peace. You do everything for me, and I still look at you with disrespect and I dishonor you. I confess this to you now because in grace I must understand that there is nothing knew under the sun, nothing that I can experience that someone else has not experienced before me. I am not the first to be rejected, to be disrespected, to be dishonored, and I will not be the last either. I have committed sin against my parents, my husband, my child, my friends, my church, my peers and my colleagues. I have committed sin against you, Oh Lord! I am not perfect, I am not without sin, and I am not stained from sin and its darkness.
However, I am free. I am set free because of your grace, and I am forgiven. Therefore, I must forgive others who have sinned against me. I must remember to act always from a point of grace, from the standpoint that I am not a solitary white tower. I am just one of many who have been tarnished by sin and who live to tell the story of how I overcome each day.
I ask for grace today as I deal with a difficult conversation. I understand who I am and what I have been through and I know that I must be gracious when communicating my feelings. I need to recognize my emotions and understand that I can form opinions on the basis of those emotions. These opinions might not be accurate so I need to be in control and speak from a position of authority and grace. I ask now that you speak through me, that you help me to convey what matters most, and then speak only to the issue at hand. I understand that I need to be focused and direct, not covert or unwilling to broach a difficult subject. I ask for your help, and I ask this now in Jesus' Name. Amen.