May 28, 2014
Fall Teaching is Settled
I am giving Him all the praise today as I rest in His security and provision for my life. The Lord has promised good to me, and He has faithfully kept His word. I am thanking Him today, and I am giving Him praise and honor. He is faithful, He is trustworthy, and He is so very good!
My praise today surrounds His delivered promise. The Lord has consistently told me that I would have a full-time teaching position for fall 2014. At first, I assumed that meant that I would receive a traditional full-time position -- with benefits and salary. However, later I realized that teaching full-time didn't have to be a regular contract. It could mean teaching four courses as an adjunct instructor. Consistently, the Lord has told me that I would remain an adjunct instructor until I graduated from Regent. It makes sense, really when you think about it. Adjunct instructors are part-time, and with part-time, comes inherent flexibility. I am able to teach different classes, at different schools, and experience different environments (class sizes, teaching approaches, etc.) Adjunct teaching provides a great way for me to build experience and become familiar in the classroom.
Furthermore, a full-time teaching position usually comes with additional responsibilities. Often there are committees that must be served, meetings to attend, and generally, extra duties that are part of the contract. It is better for me to go semester by semester especially while I have such an unknown schedule at Regent (not knowing what courses are offered each semester).
Yesterday, I received an email from Grand Canyon University asking me if I was interested in teaching this fall. I was surprised to receive the email since I had responded three times previously when asked by the English faculty scheduler to pick classes for fall. I sent in my request for classes, but I never got any response back. I did ask once, and I was told my email request had been misplaced. I assumed that the second and third time would be OK. I was a little peeved at the way the scheduling was being handled (during the semester), but then I reminded myself that this is GCU! It is not uncommon to fall through the cracks at times. GCU still continues to have issues with administrative tasks, and I should have known better. I should have taken the bull by the horns and just emailed until I got a response. Oh well! Praise God, as of today, I am back in the loop. The good news is -- I am scheduled -- which means that I will have four courses for fall (2 at ACU and 2 at GCU).
My schedule for fall looks like this:
11:30-12:20 COM 203 / Introduction to Communication (ACU)
12:30-1:20 ENG 101 / English Composition I (ACU)
Break for lunch and drive to GCU
3:20-4:30 ENG 106 / English Composition II (GCU)
4:45-6:30 ENG 105 / English Composition I (GCU) only MW
No teaching - reserved for Regent University courses
I am a little concerned about class size at GCU. They are expecting high enrollment again, so that means that I will probably have between 70-100 students combined. Right now, I have 26 in ENG 106, and 51 in ENG 105. The maximum allowed in 105 is 93. Hopefully, the size will remain as is and will not balloon up to 90 students! I am thinking class size at ACU will top out at 30, so potentially I have right now close to 100 students between all four classes. That, my friends, is a lot of papers to read and to grade. Oh, Lord, help me now!
I am feeling so guilty this morning, and rightfully so! Well, I don't believe the Lord wants us to feel guilt (guilt and shame were taken on the cross along with our sin -- PTL!) Guilt is a human emotion, the response we get when we feel sorry or ashamed about something we have done. It can bring us to repentance, and it can serve as a means to help us understand why we do certain things. However, I don't believe that as Christians we are supposed to remain guilty, feeling guilty, especially after we have confessed our sin to the Lord (1 John 1:9).
I am feeling this way because I allowed doubt to color my perspective and turn my faithful attitude into mistrust. I chose to mistrust the ONE is is always faithful to me. The Lord has been good to provide me with enough detail so that I can trust Him with the plans He has for my life. He has provided confirmation to me on jobs, on proposals, on events and on circumstances -- simply to help me understand that He is in control of the details of my life. Yet, with all the input from Him, I still fail to stand up in faith and remain still (trusting Him, resting in Him). My fallen flesh cries out and wails over what seems like unfairness, inequality, and injustice and I go limp in the knees. Instead of looking up, looking to the ONE who always stands before me, goes before me, and triumphs before me, I crumble like a house of cards. I sink down into the muck and the mire of despair. I do it, I confess it, and I accept the fact that I am weak willed and often unwilling to stand up when it counts most!
The blessed good news is that I am not alone. The Lord knows my weaknesses well. He also knows that I can be very strong when need be. I am not perfect, and I do act out and up at times. I stomp my feet, I get mad, I say things I shouldn't say, and I am fully human (in all those gross and undesirable ways!) He knows me, and blessed SAVIOR, He loves me. Yes, I can say that He loves me despite all the ICK and SOOT I carry around with me. He has washed me clean, and He has made me new. I still struggle with the old self, the old man, and is still behave at times like I did when I was first born again. I shouldn't do it, I do know better, but there are times when life just overwhelms me and I succumb to the fact that I am flesh, flawed and failed human flesh.
I know this, I know this, I know this is truth.
So with that said, I take up my shield of faith, and my sword of the Spirit, and I stand. I boldly stand in faith knowing that my GOD is bigger, bolder, and better than anything this life can throw at me. I stand in faith proclaiming His Name and holding fast to the truth of His WORD. He is good, He is good, He is good all the time. God is good, so very good.
Thank you for your marvelous provision of two more teaching contracts for fall 2014. I am overwhelmed by the fact that I received a call from GCU. I didn't believe that they would call me -- even after you told me that they would call -- and then they actually did. You promised me that I would receive contracts from them -- despite the fact that I never was evaluated by the COE last spring (a requirement). You told me to remain, to be faithful, and to trust your word to me. I didn't do this, I gave up and I gave in. Yet, you kept your word to me. Now I confess to you that you have been faithful in all things, and that your word is true. I believe your word to me -- spoken to me in all the other areas of my life -- and that as surely as this has come to pass, so will these other things, so will all that you have promised. You are indeed FAITHFUL AND TRUSTWORTHY! I thank you now for your provision, for your security, and for your will. I thank you that the plans you have for my life are good. I thank you that I can rest in the security of Your Mighty NAME, and that I can let go of the worry, the anxiety, and the stress related to my life. I confess and I commit to you this day -- my life to be lived out your way, in accordance with your will, for your Name and for your Praise and for your Honor. I confess all this in that magnificent NAME of Jesus now! Amen, so be it, thy will be done!