May 12, 2014

Step Two is Done

I filed the divorce papers today. I was surprised at how easy it was to do. I went over to the court complex, turned them in, paid my fee, and walked out. It took me all of ten minutes, if I included parking!

I also found out that my husband doesn't have to pay his fee because we have nothing to declare/separate. I may still have to go to court, but because we have no minor children, no spousal support, etc. more than likely, everything will be done by mail from this point forward. The timing is a little longer than I had hoped, but it seems like it will work out to be about 90 days. David couldn't file his response for 60 days after he files the acceptance anyway, so really, we are looking at being divorced by the end of summer.

Weird to say that, but there you have it. I will be divorced by the time I start teaching in the fall. I will be divorced. I can say it, and the even weirder thing is that I don't feel anything when I do. I mean, I was a little emotional going to the court complex. Mostly this was because I knew that I was doing was not God's will, per se. I was choosing divorce over marriage, and in the Lord's view, divorce is not his will. He has made allowances for me since, Biblically speaking, I met both of the criteria given in the Bible for a divorce decree (adultery and abandonment). Still, in my heart, I didn't want to be divorced. I still don't. I don't want to be married to David. I don't want to stay married to a man who doesn't love me or want me. No, I simply mean that the idea of divorce, the branding of divorce, this is what I don't want. I love marriage, and I love God's plan for marriage. I love the whole "two become one flesh" part of marriage, the covenant of marriage, the "til death do us part" bit. I love being married, and someday I hope I may get the chance to be married again. The next time, however, will be in a God-honoring, God-centered marriage. If that chance never comes to pass, I am OK with it. I will be single and solely and wholly devoted to the Lord. I will do His work regardless, and I will seek His will above all else. I will look to Him as my Husband, my Rock, my Refuge, and in Him will I rest in His Security. He is my everything, and I love Him with my whole heart.

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