Often this is how we wait for God to deliver His promises to us. We don't wait with expectancy and eager anticipation, instead we wait with human negative thoughts that say "This is really not going to happen, so I won't get my hopes up, and then I won't be disappointed." I am guilty of these kinds of feelings -- I do it so often -- and while I have tried to keep optimistic about potential outcomes, my habit is to prepare myself for the worst. I think it is because I spent 30 years believing in the "hope" of something better only to have the outcome prove otherwise. You learn to condition yourself for the "other" and then it becomes very hard to believe or to hope for something better.
As I think about this today, I realize that I am doing this now. I want so badly to believe that what the Lord has promised to me will come to pass. This is what I want, and I tell the Lord it is so. However, my habit is to protect myself from the "other" and in doing so I believe with a tentative faith. I am not using the power of my faith, which says, "I believe you, Lord. Your word is true!" I am using the weak faith that says "Well, I will believe it when I see it." This second-kind of faith is not the kind of faith the Lord wants us to have. No, we are to have strong, confident, boastful faith -- the kind that says to the mountain -- "Move" and it moves (Mark 11:23)!
Yes, I am not practicing what I preach, and with that, I am convicted of sin. For me, to know what is needed and not do it -- that is sin (James 4:17).
I confess to you today that I have believed your word to me with a weak faith. I know the truth, and I know that your word is always true. Yet, I have chosen to believe only what I can see, and in doing so, I have been stuck in this waiting place, this holding tank, so to speak. I confess now that I know better, and that I have seen your power in answered prayer time and time again. I thank you now for your Mercy, and for your Forgiveness. I know that I am set free, and I know that you have given me spiritually the power to believe (great faith). I ask now that you forgive me, and that you create within me the desire and the power to believe you, without fear and hesitation, so that I can receive this gift into my life this day. I ask all this in the blessed Name of Jesus, my Lord and my Savior, Amen. So be it, thy will be done. Selah! (Pause and calmly think about it!)
Now with that bit out of the way, I can focus on today, and on what I need to do. It has been a good day thus far, notwithstanding my crisis of faith. I am strong, and I am secure in my faith. I believe the Lord, and I trust Him. Yes, I am flawed, human flesh, and as such, I fall down often. I goof up, and I retreat when I should stand firm. I let my guard down, I forget to lift up my shield of faith, and my sword of the Spirit. I stand bare before the enemy, and I quake in my boots. Then, thank the Lord, He reminds me that I am completely covered by His mighty amour, and that I have everything I need to defend myself against attack. Sigh!
How long will it be before I stop being this way, and I start to boldly stand up against the enemy and take my victorious and righteous stand? May it be NOW, Lord, may it be NOW!
Today is a good day. Yes, it is a very good day. I have a lot on my plate for today (due to my procrastination this week), and I am bound and determined to complete it all. I am taking control, taking authority over my tasks, and I am going to succeed today in accomplishing everything the Lord has in mind for me. There is no time to waste, and no time to slack off. I can do this, I can do this.
God is so very good to me. He is good all the time, and His promises never fail. I know this, I know this is true. I have seen Him move in my life, bring about something wonderful out of nothingness. I see the results of His power every single day, especially in my weakness, and in my human failing. He overcomes, He achieves, and He brings glory to Himself through my fallen and horribly failed attempts. He is good, He is good, He is so very good to me.
My brief to-do list today looks like this:
- Complete my homework for COM 652 (DQ for this week, responses to last week DQ)
- Plan my projects and papers for COM 652 and 703
- Bike ride at some point
- Take my Mom to dinner (Dad too)
- Pick up a gift card and birthday card for Black Angus
- Clean out my closet
- Study plans for a special project the Lord has placed on my heart and in my mind
The Lord knows me well. He understands my needs. He knows what I need today, and He knows how best to accomplish His will in my life. It is a weird thing to be known this way. I say weird because that is the only word that I can think of to describe what I mean. The Lord knows me. He knows my thoughts, He knows my feelings, and He knows my strengths and weaknesses. He knows when I will fall down and when I will forget to stand against the enemy's attack. He knows how I run in fear, and how I choose to hide whenever I am faced with a GIANT in my life. He also knows that when push-comes-to-shove I will pick up my stones and face that GIANT. He knows that I am bold, and that I have great faith. I run often before I stop and remember the ONE who empowers me. Then I turn around and I stand firm -- I do not move -- and I throw my stones with a mighty power. Yes, it is His power that works in me and through me. It is always His power that accomplishes everything in my life. I can do nothing with out Him, and I can do all things through Him (through Christ who strengthens me!) He is my sufficiency, He is my strength, and He is my power. He does it all, and in doing it so, He brings praise and honor and glory to His Name. He is Good. He is Good. He is Good all the time.
Now is the time to stand, to take a stand, and to be faithful. He is Good. He knows me well. He has promise good to me. There is no reason to believe that He will fail in His promise. There is no reason not to believe Him today.
I trust in your Name. I rest in your Power, and I believe in your Presence. I am not alone, and I am not waiting on my own. You are with me. You are here today, and You are ready and able to do what you have promised to me. I look to your Power, your Presence, and I let go my need to control events, timelines, and details. I say "Let it be your way today, Lord" and I release everything to you. You are my shelter, my hiding place, and I rest in your Provision and Security. You are my God, and I look up. I look up, and I rest in You. May your Name be praised today and forever more. Amen. Selah!