June 26, 2014

Feeling Depressed Again

Yes, depression has struck its ugly chord again! I don't know why I feel this way today, but from the moment I woke up until now (almost two hours later), I feel like I am sinking under the weight of the world.

I blogged yesterday about how I woke up feeling angry at the world, feeling out of sorts, and how it took a good cup of coffee to pull me out of that funk. Well, today is day two of waking up feeling blue, and now I am thinking that there must be some reason for it.

The funny thing (curious) is that I am normally a very content and happy person. In truth, while I tend to wake up slowly, and I need my coffee to get me perked up, I am almost always positive about life (in general). I don't cycle up and down. I am stable, and I strive for balance in every area of my life. It is just sometimes that I get these feelings of overwhelm, of darkness, of depression. These feelings swell over me, and for a time, I seem to be mired in them. I know this pattern, it has happened to me since childhood, and I know that for this time, I am stuck where I am and I am unable to do anything to pull myself out.

In some ways, I believe this is my cross to bear. It is my thorn. I have been prone to melancholy and I have suffered from depression all my life. It is not the unbearable kind of depression, no, for that I am thankful. It is just a pervasive kind, a come-and-go kind, that hits without warning, and sticks with me for a time. I think it is a form of oppression.

See this article: http://www.charismamag.com/spirit/devotionals/around-the-word-in-365-days?view=article&id=3110:oppression-leads-to-depression&catid=1525

"Depression usually is the consequence of oppression. Oppression is a heaviness or downward pressure brought on by gloominess, negatives, lack of results, loneliness etc. The biggest cause of oppression is sickness. Long term sickness of any kind is oppressive and that oppression almost always leads to depression."

Another article on this subject: http://mercyman53.com/2013/03/02/identifying-and-confronting-depression-and-oppression-in-our-lives-as-christians/

This is another really good article: http://www.riversofrevival.com/site/bibdisplay.asp?study_id=180003756&sec_id=180001249

I have read a number of websites related to this topic, and I know that there are many different views on spiritual oppression. Some parts of the church believe that we are not to engage with spirits, to bind them, etc. Some say that we are to do this, we must do this, to experience a breakthrough. I know that in my case, I have battled with oppressive spirits my entire life, not just in depression, but also in dreams, thoughts, visions, etc. I walk a thin line between the two camps on this subject because on the one hand, I have experienced this battle, and on the other hand, I have also experienced great freedom from this type of oppression. I would say that I am not oppressed regularly, like I used to be, and that for me, oppression comes whenever I open the door and allow a spirit to gain a foothold in my life. I have done this, and I take full responsibility for my actions. For me, this oppression has come on slowly, but I can recall the starting point, the point where I noticed that my relationship with the Lord had changed. I have prayed about this concern, asking the Lord for clarification, for understanding so that I would know exactly what I had done (or was doing). I have struggled these past two months, and now I am feeling the full-on affects of spiritual depression and oppression.

In truth, I know what to do. I must stand up and face my attacker, and I must confess my sins and regain my righteous standing before the One who is able to liberate me from these oppressive spirits. I ask now for God's power and grace to do what needs to be done. I know this, and I stand ready to face the onslaught of this spiritual attack, knowing that the plans God has for me are good, that His will is perfect, and that I desire nothing but His will for my life. I confess this now, all of this now, in the matchless and mighty Name of Jesus, Amen! So be it, thy will be done. Selah!


Ken said...

I'm praying for you.

Carol Hepburn said...

Thanks, Ken, I appreciate your faithfulness. If there is anything I can do for you, prayerwise, please let me know. God is faithful all the time. Blessings on your day today!