October 15, 2014

Getting Down to Business

Happy Tuesday! It is a great day to be alive! I am blessed, so wonderfully blessed, and I am enjoying the goodness of the Lord this fine day.

I love Tuesdays (Thursday's too) because I get to stay at home and rest. In truth, I do school work, and I play catch up with grading assignments for my students at ACU and GCU. I do get to rest, though, and I get to sleep in a bit, which makes it a good day all around. Tuesdays and Thursdays are blessings to me, special blessings from the Lord, granted to me because He knows how much I need to rest and recuperate from my long day of teaching (on M-W). God knows me so well, and He provides for me amply so that I don't become too frustrated or over-tired (it is not a good thing to see Carol cranky -- just saying!)

I woke up in a fine mood, thinking sweet and wonderful thoughts, and feeling really really good. My life seems to be moving in the fast lane, and while I normally do not like to go too fast (my son can tell you that I am such a slow driver) or lose control, I have to say that I am loving the excitement of heading into unknown and uncharted waters (I was going to title this post 'walking on the wild side' but after I Googled that phrase, I realized quickly that it leads to some very inappropriate content!) I decided to err on the side of caution and redirect my thoughts toward pro-activity (versus reactivity). Yes, I love being proactive, and I find that staying in that mindset can pay big dividends in the end.

So today my focus is on being proactive. I decided this morning that I was going to get out ahead of the ball rather than continue to feel like I was always behind it. I can tell you that I don't like the feeling of playing catch up. I like to be in control of my "to-do" list rather than always feeling like I for every item checked off, another two get added!

I looked over my list this morning so that I could get a better idea of what is on tap the next few weeks. This is my list so far:

Regent Courses
  • Modular Week 10/13-10/17 (no homework!)
  • COM 507 - Twitter responses (3) by 10/20
  • COM 507 - YouTube Viral Video project by 10/21
  • COM 507 - Pinterest Project by 10/28
  • COM 507 - Social Media Curriculum Project by 12/3
  • COM 507 - Consulting Project by 12/12
  • COM 701 - Rhetorical Criticism Paper by 11/23
  • COM 701 - Peer Response by 11/30
So much for finishing my blog post on Tuesday. I got to the end of my list, and life intervened. Sidetracked and diverted, I never finished my thoughts or my post...

UNTIL TODAY (Wednesday)

As I consider all that is on my list, I realize that I am unable to keep this pace up for much longer. Yes, the Lord sustains me, but only He is able to perform, to show up, and to accomplish everything that needs to be accomplished. In truth, I like to think that I can do it, but I cannot, I simply cannot. I try my very best to be organized, to be proactive, to think analytically -- yet every time I take credit for my own achievements -- I fall flat on my face, and I fail miserably.

Today was a perfect example of what I mean. I started this blog post on Tuesday. Today it is Wednesday, and for all my bravado of the previous day, today I found myself empty, spent, and utterly overwhelmed. My day started out fine, but in short order, it went from bad to worse. Yes, I experienced utter failure over and over again today. By the end of the evening (when I left GCU), I was ready to give up teaching completely. I was ready to find a different career, a different job, a different life -- anything -- to free me from these intense feelings of inadequacy. I thought to myself "Lord, you really have to be kidding me! How can you even think that I am a good teacher? I fail miserably with ever lesson I teach, with every moment I stand in front of these students. Surely you can see that I am not cut out to be a teacher. I need a different job, a different way to live!"

The funny thing is that as I walked from my class over to my car, the sun was setting. The sky was dark blue with just a tinged of pink left over on the horizon. I thought about the beauty of that sunset, and how the Lord created it specifically for this day. I thought about His abilities and how easily He performs glorious masterworks in nature. Then I thought to myself "here I am, complaining about my failures when the Lord of the Universe is working to display His goodness and beauty every single morning and every single evening."

I got into my car, and I started to drive home. I still felt overwhelmed, and I felt that I was being battered and bruised by the enemy, who would like nothing more than to see me quit teaching and run from the hard way of the Lord to another "easier" way (my way). Yes, this is exactly what the enemy wants me to do -- to give up -- to give in, and to go my own way.

The blessing of this good day was that while I was harrumphing and complaining, the Lord was patiently waiting for me to get it all out of system. Once I had it all out of my system, after I had cried it all out on the way home, I realized that I was being spiritually attacked, and as such, I was feeling the biting sting of a critical spirit. I laid all my frustration at the Lord's feet, and I stood up with my shield of faith and my sword of the Spirit, and I defended myself from the enemy's assault. Why does it always take me so long to realize that I am being attacked spiritually? Why do I suffer for so long before I recognize that I am not doing what the Word tells me to do -- to stand up!  As soon as I figured it out, I stood up and took my place behind my Victor and my Champion, and I allowed the Lord to help me to overcome, to help me withstand this particular affront.

I made it home safely, but not without some minor scrapes from the battle today. As soon as I got in the door to my house, I praised the Lord for His faithfulness and His goodness toward me. Yes, the Lord is good to me, so very good to me. So while I may feel the pain of this skirmish, I am not down and out. I am standing firm, waiting patiently for my King to reign over my insecurities, my inadequacies, and all my inabilities. He is more than able to perfect anything that concerns me this day. He is able, more than able to take care of me this good, this very good day.

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