January 19, 2015

Thinking About Tomorrow

It is a great Monday! I am so thankful for school holidays. Today is Martin Luther King day, and I am blessed to be able to stay home from class. I am struggling with some cold/flu symptoms (all my students are sick), mostly just a nagging and persistent headache and slight chills. I feel like I am starting to come down with some thing -- sort of that feeling where you think you might be getting sick -- but you are not in the full throws of illness yet. I am thankful for this day because I can stay at home and work on the computer. I have a number of items on my to-do list and it helps having another day where I can just hide myself away and focus on getting my tasks done. God is good, so very good to me. He loves me, and He meets my needs with such sufficiency!

My parents have some friends in town this week, and it has been nice to visit with them. I don't have a lot of free time to spend, but it was nice to talk with them and find out how they are doing (they used to live near us in San Jose). Whenever my parents friends come to Phoenix, it is a nice reminder of my life, and all the time that has passed. In truth, I have very happy memories from San Jose (not all, but most). I enjoyed living there, and I loved our house (my parents).  Those were good days, the long hot summers, the cool wet winters, and all the in between lovely days when the weather was absolutely spot-on perfect.

Today, I am feeling wistful. I am thinking about the past, the present, and the future. My life is changing, so much of my life is in flux right now. It is exciting on the one hand, terrifying on the other. I feel like the Lord is moving out ahead of me, and making a path for me to follow. I cannot explain it, but is seems as if He is moving me to where He intends me to live. I have believed in my heart for the past six or seven years that I would end up in the Southeastern USA. I didn't understand it then, just that it seemed like the Lord was suggesting to me a possible relocation to this part of the USA. In fact, when my ex husband had his heart attack in 2007, I felt convinced that we were to move to Tennessee. My ex, of course, had no interest in relocating anywhere. He was adamant that we were going to stay put in Phoenix, end of story. It was hard for me back then because I felt this so strongly, that there was a reason why we needed to move. Yet, at that time, my marriage was in tact, and my life was set in Phoenix. Still, I couldn't shake the feeling that the Lord was calling me to the East coast. I did, as Mary did, and I treasured up the words in my heart. I mediated on them, and I believed that if what I was hearing in my Spirit and in my heart was from the Lord, then somehow the Lord would bring those words to pass.

So much time has passed since those days (June 30, 2007), and so many things have changed since then. I am divorced, of course, and I am a full-time doctoral student and adjunct professor. I am now at a point in my life where I am starting to look for positions at other schools. The desire to move has never waned, though I have considered a number of other states for possible relocation. Besides TN, I looked closely at NC, GA, FL and IL. I have always felt a pull back toward IL, but it seems to be fleeting. Perhaps it is because at one time I thought my son might want to study music at Wheaton College. I am not certain, but I always felt a pull in that direction. I am open to going wherever the Lord leads me, and that may be anywhere there is a position. It seems though that the SE is His preferred location as that is where He seems to be pulling me most often.

I think at first it was hard to imagine moving to a place where I didn't know anyone. Now, though, the Lord has provided a number of friendships in these places. It is almost as if He knew that I would need support and encouragement so He made sure to bring me friends, colleagues, and peers in these states. I feel like I could go anywhere in the SE and I would know someone now. God is good that way, so very good...

As I think about tomorrow, one thing is for certain -- the Lord is moving -- and that always means change. I have blogged about change so often, how whenever He moves, I always feel so out of sorts. I think this time is the same for me -- He has moved -- and I am starting to feel the momentum pick up. This says to me "be prepared, Carol," and with that, I know to hold on tight. The Lord has mighty plans for my life, and whenever He starts to move me in a particular direction, "things" start to happen quickly. I can think of a couple possibilities right now, the most likely, is a job. I have been looking for work, casually, because I am contracted through the end of April. However, I have felt strongly that the Lord may intend for me to move this summer. This brings up a whole host of issues, but I cannot focus on them now (like my parents, my son, etc.) I believe that if the Lord moves me, He will take care of all the details of my life. The Lord delights in the details of my life, and He knows my fears, my worries, and my concerns. He is Lord of all, and that means that I can rest with security, knowing that His Grace is sufficient. I am well-covered.

I am excited about what the Lord is doing in my life. I don't have all the details mapped out, but I do feel like He will reveal these plans to me soon. I am praying for a job, a specific job, and I am praying for a specific location. The Lord knows where He wants me to work. I don't have to worry about the destination because the Lord is in control. The Lord knows the life He has in mind for me, so I don't have to worry about the details that go along with His move. I just need to trust Him, to rest in Him, and to let Him go --> to let Him be Lord over every detail in my life.

Dear Lord,

I look to you this day. I trust you, and I believe in my heart that you are calling me to move. I believe you have given me permission to move. I am waiting on confirmation of a job opportunity, and the timing necessary to apply. I am looking up, and I am waiting for you to move me. Until then, I am resting in the knowledge that you are God, that you are able to do what you intend to do, and that you will do what is best for me, for my life, for my future. I ask that you would give me confirmation on this particular job, that you will give me confirmation on this particular location, and that you would make it obvious, clear, and without a doubt, essential that I take this step of faith and apply. I believe your Name, your Word, and I ask for your Will to be done in my life. I ask all this in the matchless and merciful Name of Jesus, Amen!

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