September 1, 2015

Rest Does a Body Good

Good morning, it's Tuesday! I am feeling better, so much better today. I went to bed early last night (by 10) and was able to sleep soundly through to 7 AM. I am blogging briefly before I have to get ready to teach COM 203 at ACU this morning. God is good, so very good to me. I am feeling rested, and that is in itself a blessed thing. I cannot describe the way I felt last night other than to say I was running on fumes. I literally was at the crash point, and I felt that I couldn't push myself one more minute. I have never experienced this type of fatigue. It is different from my former Chronic Fatigue days when I felt physically drained. In those years (when I had episodes), I would shut down and sleep -- just sleep -- for hours and hours. This is more mental fog, brain drain, where it takes effort to remain focused. I am confident that this is menopause related because whenever I feel this way, I lay down to rest. Rarely do I fall asleep, even though that is what I feel like doing. Instead, I close my eyes for 10-15 minutes or I just lay there and then I feel better. It is as if I need to stop thinking or doing whatever I was doing and rest, just rest. Last night was different, and I think that was because I haven't been sleeping well for about a month now. I am suffering with night sweats and that interferes with quality of sleep. I am praying daily for the Lord to help me endure -- I must go through this CHANGE -- and I must survive the symptoms as best I can. He is good, He is faithful, and I know He will help me transition through this change of life.

Picking Up and Moving On

It is Tuesday, and I teach Introduction to Communication at ACU. I am struggling some today with the knowledge that my students, mostly athletes, simply come to class and sleep. It is frustrating for me. I don't have this issue (well, a little bit in my 7AM class) at GCU. It is rampant at ACU and I find it difficult to teach to a class of students who are not interested nor awake for my lessons. Last year, I made the decision not to return to ACU for this reason. I didn't care for the course itself and I didn't enjoy teaching English either. I decided it would be best to stay at GCU only. However, I felt the need for the extra pay, so I agreed to teach this course again this fall. However, I can say that I am glad this will be my last semester here. I do like the school, don't get me wrong, and I know God is at work in the lives of these students, it is just the course itself and the class dynamics. I have seen this same dynamic twice so I am convinced that the fault lays in both the design and the student body makeup. I cannot do anything about either -- I am restricted from changing the course -- so I must teach to the best of my ability and deal with students who sleep in class. It bugs me, and I pity my students -- who I know do not do it on purpose. They are tired from the workouts related to sports, and they are struggling to maintain their own schedules and lives. I know this, I get this, and I see it. I just think it is sad, so very sad.

Still, I am picking up my cross, and I am moving on. I know the plans the Lord has for me, and they are good! I may not know all the details, but I know that "this too shall pass," meaning that this semester, this season of transition of CHANGE will pass in time. I will be faithful to fulfill the plans He has made for me this year, and I will do my best to always be His representative on Earth as I am able. I rest and I trust in Him knowing that I can only do my best through His strength. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! Selah!

I am looking forward to the coming weeks and months and to the change that the Lord has in mind for me. I am scared by it, in some regard, but I know that whatever change the Lord allows in my life, it will be good. It will be for my good, and it will fulfill His plan for my life. I may not like the change at first, but in time, I will understand that it is designed specifically to equip and prepare me for His work. In this, I give thanks. I want to be made ready to do good work, His work, and to do it "unto Him." I let go of my striving today, striving to figure out what the Lord is doing right now, how He is moving in my life (and He is), and what the outcome will be. I let go, and I let God have control. I cannot handle more change, truthfully, and in my right mind. I need Him to see me through it, to take me by the hand and walk me through it. I am in the valley, and I am heading up the mountain, and when I get there, I will know that it is the Lord who has brought me through safely and soundly. He will see to it -- He will provide for me -- today, tomorrow, and every day into my glorious eternal future. He is good, He is good, He is always so very good to me! Selah!

Sensing His Timing

My morning class went well. It is always a challenge to engage these students because most of them seem to be not interested in this class or its content. I struggle a bit with that fact, but I try to remember that they are 18 plus and I am 50 plus -- a BIG WORLD OF DIFFERENCE -- when it comes to interest and application. Just saying it is so…I don't take my life, my college opportunities (classes and program), or my family for granted. Life is too precious, too short, and filled with too many UNKNOWNS. I make the most of every opportunity (or I try too anyway), and I don't take the fact that I am teaching as anything but a beautiful gift from the Lord.

I am sensing His timing today. I cannot really put my finger on it, but I feel the Lord pressing down on me, reminding me that He is at work in my life -- even when I cannot see it. He is there, orchestrating the details, and providing a WAY for me to go. I know this because I can feel His peace as it permeates through the various layers of my life. I may not always read the "signposts" correctly, and at times, I may misinterpret His meaning, but generally, I can tell when He is moving or has moved in my life. I feel it. I see it. I experience it.

Change is not my friend, though I have come to accept it and deal with it. I am trying to face change with more of an upbeat positive attitude, but at times, I am weary with the change, what it does to my routine, and the way it makes me feel. Still, I know that the Lord has chosen this path for me to walk on, and He hasn't promised that it will be easy or carefree. He has promised never to leave me and to never let me go. This means that even when the path gets hilly or rocky, He is with me, He is right beside me. Often, He is pulling me up the hill or carrying me down it. He is always with me, and I know that I can rest against Him. No matter how difficult the path seems, He is with me, there for me, and I can trust and rely on Him. He is good, so very good to me.

Today, I feel that He is calling me forward. Once again, He is asking me to trust Him for the coming weeks and months, and to rest, to rely, and to trust Him to provide for my every need. I feel that this is His will for me -- to remain in this dependent state -- wholly dependent on Him for His providential care. I no longer feel the need to provide for myself, and I no longer feel compelled to achieve. I am not sure how that happened, but I can say that I am worn, weary, and so ready to let this pass. I am ready to go, for sure, and I am ready to do the good practical work He has provided, but part of me finds the whole process to be tiring, so very tiring. I am tired, but I am not beyond recovery. I know that this season in my life will pass and another will begin. It is how life works -- just when we become comfortable with one way or thing -- then everything changes, and we are called forward to adapt, to be flexible, and to accept whatever God has in store for us. In my view, this is all part of the transformative love of our Savior, the changing us from "glory to glory" as we come to understand more completely the mystery of the Gospel, and the powerful plan for the redemption of humankind. I am eager to experience the next steps He has for me, apprehensive in some ways, but generally ready and willing to accept whatever that may be. I know my Lord has me well-covered, and He has my every need in mind.

So as I consider this day, this very good day, I give thanks. Paul says in 1 Thess. 5:18 KJV,

In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.

Therefore, I give thanks for that which I know and that which I don't know. I give thanks for every good gift I receive and for the blessings of rewards that are held back from me. I know God is at work in me and through me to bring glory, honor and praise to His holy Name. I rest, and I seek the comfort of knowing that everything does, indeed, work together for my good, for my calling in Christ Jesus. Selah!

Dear Lord,

As I consider the change you have allowed in my life, I know that I must trust you from this point on. I must let go of my need to be in charge and allow you permission to do what you think is best. You know me well, and I am covered by your grace, yet I worry, I fret, and I doubt, and when I do that it seems that I suffer more than necessary. Today, I choose to let go of these things, and to allow you to make the changes you need to make in my life so that I will be made ready for your work. May you have free reign this good and glorious day to do your work, your will, and in your way, Amen. Selah! (Pause and calmly think about it.)

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