November 6, 2015
Moving On and Feeling Good
Friday's are the highlight of my week. They signal to me that I have survived another week -- another week -- and that I am almost to the end of my heavy semester. I finished my annotated bibliography yesterday, and I am so thankful for the Lord's grace and provision. I need a good grade on this part of the research project, and I am praying now for the Lord to give me favor with my professor. I feel good about my start -- but will my professor agree? I sure hope so.
Moving On and Feeling Good About It
I blogged yesterday about how I finally came to terms with the fact that I am a teacher -- a professor, really -- and how I see my life now more clearly and in focus. Today, I am thanking the Lord for His provision of a position as a teacher. I am thankful for my classes at ACU and GCU, and I am thankful for the opportunity to teach college courses. I am also thanking Him for my provision, for providing good work for me to do, a decent pay schedule, and for the opportunity to learn how to become a better teacher through practice and experience. He is good to provide me with these skills, to help me find my place, and to show me how I am supposed to go forward in life. He is good, so very good to hold me carefully and tenderly, and to lead me to the place of His choosing, the place of His reward, and to the place where He intends for me to set down roots and be content. I don't mean to say that I am not content because I am (at least, I try to be). It is just that I am not content yet because I don't believe I am where He wants me to be (physically, I mean). I am spiritually where I need to be, mentally in the game, and emotionally connected -- all -- really good things. I am just not physically where He wants me right now. I know that He has a great plan to relocate me, and I know that this is next up in my tentative schedule called "this is my life."
God knows what He wants to accomplish through my life. He knows where I need to go, what I need to do, and the type of work that I need to perform -- all -- in order to do HIS WORK. I am aware of this fact, and I am aware of what that entails. Yet, I have wrestled with the "going" and the "doing" for months, no really, for years. Now, I am about to be moved somewhere, and well, I am feeling good about the possibilities right now. Let me explain...
I mentioned yesterday that I applied to a job at Auburn University in Montgomery, AL. This is a lecture position, and it would fit well with my skills and experience. It also puts me very close to my love, and it opens up opportunities for me to teach full-time. This is a 9-month position, and the salary, while not great, is sufficient for my needs. It would be a good thing should the Lord choose to open this door for me.
Previously, I had applied to five positions in corporate business, two with CVS Health and three with United Healthcare. I felt the Lord leading me this way, so I listened (obeyed) and applied. Of these five positions, two have closed and I received emails saying "thanks, not interested." The three remaining, one with CVS and two with United Healthcare, are still in process. The one with CVS Health was not even available at this time. I applied for a future possibility simply thinking that perhaps down the road after I graduate with my Ph.D., this job might work for me. The other two positions at United Healthcare, are still active, and I have now received two confirmation emails asking me to "self-identify" to be considered for employment. The one position asked me to do this last week, and I did it right away. The email that came today is for the second job, the least liked one, and right now I am thinking I will not pursue it. This really leaves one job that could work for me, should the Lord choose to move me out of teaching and back into corporate communications. I am open to doing this job, so long as the Lord provides it, and it meets my needs for salary, benefits, and flexible schedule. The job is a telecommuter position, which just means that I can work from home. If I were to be hired, and I wanted to relocate, I am limited to where I could relocate with the company. This seems the only issue as I would need to be within driving distance to one of their main offices in AZ, TX, CT, FL or MN. More than likely, I would have to relocate to MN at some point, and right now that scares me a bit. I am not adverse to going to MN, per se, it is just that it is so cold, and winter lasts so long...sigh!
So this morning as I was driving over to GCU, I was praying about these jobs. I mean, I had convinced myself that I was to remain in teaching (as of yesterday). I found my peace. I was content. I felt good -- like no longer sick -- and I thought "this is it!" Then this morning, I get an email telling me I am still being considered for these jobs at UHC, and I thought "Oh, no! What do I do?" As I was praying about it, the worry over it, I realized that if the Lord opened the door to either place, I would have to go. I mean, I would have to go. I would interview, do my best, represent myself and go with whatever position the Lord opened for me. You see, if the job were to be opened, then clearly that would tell me that this was His will. I have seen the Lord do this before -- close all the doors for a long while -- and then open one and the path is revealed. I am thinking that this is His way again. I am thinking that unless I get one of those "thank you, not interested" emails, I am supposed to stick this course out. I am to wait and be patient to see what the Lord chooses to do. I know He has a great plan, and I believe in my heart that there is a good fitting job for me at the end of this process. I am ready to be working full-time, for sure, and I would welcome the salary. I don't want to make a mistake, a bad choice, you know, but I trust the Lord to provide, and I believe in faith that His provision is good. Thus, I am choosing to rest on this matter, to accept whatever comes as a determinant, and to be free from the anxiety and worry over which way to go. The Lord leads, and I follow. Enough said.
Letting Go and Going with the Rivers Flow
I am letting go. I am choosing to flow down the mighty river of His will. I am choosing to let things be, and to experience whatever plans He has for me. You see, no matter where I end up, no matter the job I do eventually, I will still be working "as unto the Lord." My desire, my goal, and my aim is always to bring Him glory so whether I teach or I communicate, as long as I am living fully yielded and submitted to Him, then I am good. I am good.
I think today I am ready to accept your will. I think today that I am ready to consider all options, to see all jobs, and to accept whatever you feel is the best "fit" for my life. The choice is not up to me. I am only responsible for listening and for obeying. Other than this, the final decision rests in your hands. You are able, more than able to resolve this tension in my life, to bring this new path to fruition, and to bless me abundantly through it. I trust you, I rely on you, and this day, I am choosing to believe in you -- in your power, your authority, and your Name. You are God, and I am not, therefore, I let go and I let you lead me. You are God, you are good, and I rest now in your sufficiency, your security, and your provision. Amen. So be it, thy will be done. Selah!